


Anything but That

by Redleafmornings



Series: Melting Resistance [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Biting, Creampie, Drunk Hux, Eventual Happy Ending, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Death, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rey is Kylo's cousin, Self-Esteem Issues, Sharing a Bed, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Vomiting, but Millie is having kittens, call center au, cat birth, mentions of past violence, not actually the birth, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-07-19 23:30:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7381924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redleafmornings/pseuds/Redleafmornings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hux is forced to take a job at a call center to stay in the country he thinks his life is at it's lowest. It's not until his visa is rejected that he finds out it's only the beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hux knew he was better than his job, but his visa was running out and he had needed something to put on his renewal application. That was why he was accepting the total and complete humiliation of working at a call center. 

His masters in computer science would be going to waste, and there was a bitter taste in his mouth whenever he thought of it. Brendol hadn’t found a company he thought was worth his time since Starkiller Tech was taken over and his branch was laid off. Then time started to run out and he found himself applying for any job that would take him. 

First Order Global had had a manager’s position open; he had applied and when they told him the position had been filled he swallowed his pride and asked if they had anything else. They had an opening, it wasn’t anything special just tech support for New Republic Tech contract, but it would likely keep him in the country. So he had gone through two weeks of training on industrial printers and had wound up in a small cubical with a headset on. 

From working on weapons to repeating the same five steps on how to fix a printer. The fall hurt his pride, but he was always willing to do what was needed.

It was a huge drop in wages, but he had enough saving that he wasn’t worried about that. His ten years at Starkiller Tech had made him more than enough that the cut in pay wouldn’t change his life for a long time. 

His first day had gone as well could be expected, mostly it consisted of setting up service calls so that someone could go on site and fix it. The printers cost enough that he was trained that “The customer is always right” was not negotiable. As soon as someone asked for a service call he had to stop going through the basic steps to check what may be wrong and submit a request.

It wasn’t the worst, although people were slightly rude the calls never lasted that long and it took no real effort of thought. He never got past turning the printers on and off before he had to start setting up the service call. The worst part was the time where he sat and waited for the next call, there was almost an hour between calls at the end. The next day he would need to bring something to do.

Brendol supposed at least he had a job and the time might give him time to actually begin on a program he had wanted to make since university. He had been pouched by Starkiller right out of University and hadn’t had time to do much else. He had taken the job partly to get out of the country and out from his parents thumb, and partly because he enjoyed the work. 

Hux had been told he would share his cubicle but the other person wasn’t in, he had only seen the decorations. Push pins held up art so that the grey walls were mostly covered on his side. The art wasn’t actually bad, it was art of different science fiction scenes. The amount of pictures made it look messy, but at least it stayed onto to one side of the cubicle. 

When he returned home that night, it felt like the longest day yet since he had started at First Order Global and he was feeling a little defeated when he returned to his apartment. The only thing that cheered Brendol up was Millie and knowing that he would most likely be able to stay now that he had his employer on his visa application. 

Tomorrow he would be able to bring it to the immigration office and that weight would be lifted from his shoulders. 

Once it came back approved he could try and find a new job. 

Three months tops he figured. 

Millicent wound around his legs and chirped to remind him he had more important things to think about, mainly her. 

Brendol bent down and scooped her up. She was fairly heavy at eighteen pounds, a red maine coon cat he had bought almost five years after moving for his work at Starkiller Tech. She had cost a small fortune, but to him she was worth every penny. 

He felt the bump of her head against his chin as she lovingly nudged him.

“Don’t worry Millie, we aren’t going to have to leave home.”

It was strange how much this country had become his home, when he had had accepted the job offer the pay and the excuse to be far away from his parents was enough. Now he was in love with the area, even if he didn’t really have a lot of friends. He was known by most the store owners he frequented, he felt comfortable in his area, and there was a small park nearby that he could take Millicent for walks at. 

She didn’t love her harness, but he had trained her to walk on it knowing that the breed needed more space than his three bedroom apartment. 

Giving her a small kiss on the head he set her back down. She let out a little trill with her tail held up like a flag. Hux let her get away with too much, but he walked to the kitchen with her, letting her settle down and eat while he thought about his new job. 

Three months he promised himself again. 

\-----

It was two hours into his second shift when Brendol found out just who he was sharing a cubicle with. He was in the middle of a call when he heard a cup slammed down on the desk beside him. 

It startled him enough that he had to start over again as he gave the customer their case number. 

He shot the person a glare, but their back was turned. 

The person had thick black hair with deep red streaks in it, and their frame was large. The chairs they had were a nice size but he could see the person’s shoulders stuck out past the back. Brendol felt a flash of envy. 

To get the imposing frame he had, Brendol had to wear shoulder pads in both his work shirts and his blazer. It was worth it though, he noticed the difference in the way people treated him. 

The man finally took a drink from the big black travel mug and Brendol saw a large noise and lush lips. The rest of his face was covered by his out of control hair. 

“Take a damn picture, if you like what you see so much.”

The voice was grumbly and Brendol turned back to the computer with an angry flush on his cheeks. He had only been curious and he hated to be caught.

Brendol hit the mute button for a second.

“I’m only drawn in as one would be to any wreck in front of them.”

He bit out before unmuting the call and continuing giving the costumer about when the tech would arrive on site. It wasn’t the best way to start off with his co-worker, but as he heard the man mockingly repeating what he had said with an overly heavy accent Brendol knew that he didn’t want to know him.

Only three months was becoming a mantra.


	2. Chapter 2

Brendol was treating himself after work, he had a reservation to his favourite restaurant and he planned on having a nice evening that would end in a book and Millicent. What he wasn’t looking forward to was getting through another tense shift with his co-worker.

Brendol swiped into the building and clenched his jaw, prepared to stay stiff until he was safely on the phone. 

Except he saw that the other man was already on. This time he saw his entire face. 

Normally Brendol didn’t feel bad about anything he had said. He never said anything he didn’t mean, but now there was actually guilt hanging over him. He hadn’t seen the scar that bisected the man’s face, both of them staying pointedly turned away the day before, after he had called him a wreck. 

He was a big enough person that he could take back his words. 

Hux could see that the light wasn’t on his phone so the man was still waiting for a call. Brendol first set down his bag and turned sat himself in his chair before turning to the other side of the cubicle and speaking to the man’s back.

“I apologise for what I said yesterday, I wasn’t staring at your scar, I was unable to see it. I was only curious as to who I was working with.”

The man had tensed when he started talking, but when he finished he could see the slope of his shoulders relax slightly. 

“It’s okay; I know that I am too defensive sometimes and over react.”

The slightly robotic was that he said it reminded Brendol of someone who was parroting something he had heard, possibly from a therapist or parent. 

Even with the stiffness his low voice was soothing, deep and smooth with an almost strange over enunciation.

“I’m Brendol Hux.”

The man turned in his chair and Brendol got another sight of his face, the scar was thin and white, it went from his hairline down to disappear into his shirt, but other than that he was an odd sort of handsome. His nose was too big, and his lips seemed overly wide, but with his deep eyes it ended up looking good. Maybe it was the dark hair that seemed to be stylishly messy that managed to tie it all together.

“Ben.” 

A large hand reached out and he took it, watching how it enveloped his own. Ben held on a little too tight, but he gave a good firm shake before letting go. 

Brendol took a moment to really look at him, taking in the full picture, the tight black pants, the beat up boots, the deep V-neck shirt and a large zip up hoody covering his arms. Hux’s eyes were drawn to the skin of his chest by the silver chain could see the beginning of a design on his showing skin. It hinted that his chest was tattooed. 

He supposed he should have expected it from someone with deep red streaks in their hair. 

If Brendol guessed he would say that Ben was in his late twenties, looking young despite the scar. 

Brendol was about to let it drop at that, but then he thought about how uncomfortable it would be to work with someone who had a bad image of him.

“Allow me to make it up to you. I believe your break meets up with my lunch; let me get your coffee.”

Ben lit up at the offer, his head tilting slightly to the side. 

\-------

Ben had taken at least three calls while Hux worked through every possible step on his own. The man was determined to fix it on the phone if possible and so they had spent the last two hours doing just that. When there was no option left other than a service call the customer asked to talk to a supervisor and then Brendol had to listen to the asshole trash talk him to the supervisor. 

It took another twenty minutes for that to finish and Hux felt vindicated when they still had to set up a service call. 

Ben had taken him up on his offer and was waiting in his chair, watching him with a smug smile at the end of the call as Hux’s face flushed in anger. 

When he finally was allowed to disconnect he took a second to brush off the call and then he gave Ben a scathing look. 

“Was it terribly fun to watch?”

Ben laughed as they started down the hallway to the small cafeteria, Brendol had ate there a few times in his training and knew that it wasn’t great, but at least the coffee was passable. 

“It happens to everyone, I was just wondering how long it would be until you got your first nightmare call.”

“How long did it take you?”

“I was lucky. It was two months in, but it if makes you feel better it was twice as long.”

“How is that possible.”

Brendol said it as a statement; he could feel an ache in his jaw from where he clenched his teeth. Brendol knew his voice was as exasperated as he felt, and yet Ben’s lips kept pulling up as he fought off laughter.

“Someone who put an intern on and said they didn’t want them to hang up until it was fixed. I kept hanging up and calling them back because I was getting so frustrated. He actually restarted the machine about six or seven times as if that would fix it even though the first time it didn’t. It ended up being a service call, but I think at a few moments the intern started crying.”

“You’re a jerk.”

Hux laughed, and he watched as Ben’s expression turned almost shy. 

“And yet you’re the one who said that to someone you just met.”

Ben’s tone was teasing and it made Brendol feel more comfortable around him. He was used to playful sniping with Phasma. They grabbed a table on the side and Brendol leaned over it looking down at Ben.

“And you’re the one wearing a V-neck and a necklace.”

Brendol shot back at him.

Ben slipped his finger in his shirt and flicked it all the way out, and Brendol immediately felt bad for his teasing. He looked at the dog tags and hoped that wasn’t also how Ben got his scar. 

Ben already seemed exceptional at making him feel like a total asshole and yet it annoyed him that he was in the wrong again. 

“I didn’t know. Thank you for your service.”

He said in the way of an apology, he didn’t want to actually say it again; twice in one day was twice over his limit. 

Ben had a decidedly smug look on his face, seemingly getting amusement from Brendol’s discomfort. Brendol could feel his jaw clenching again. 

“It’s okay, just get me that coffee.”

“What would you like?”

“Tell the girl with the pony tail it’s for me, she’ll know what to make.”

He followed the instructions purely because he wanted to walk off his annoyance. It was also going to be long enough that he wanted to make his time at this job as pleasant as he damn well could.


	3. Chapter 3

Brendol had been working next to him for almost for two weeks when Ben had seen him slip into the smoking cage. Although they had a slightly tense friendship, Ben actually liked him. He was rude, and always ready to take off Ben’s head, but he was also blunt and Ben never felt like he had to second guess him. Brendol never beat around the bush, so Ben didn’t have to struggle to know just what he was thinking. It made him easy to be around.

It had been a long time since he made a new friend and although they hadn’t exchanged numbers they did chat when they were both waiting for calls. It was the first time he had reached out. Ben’s only friend from his time in the army had encouraged him to at least try. 

So he had gotten Rey to make him Brendol’s regular coffee and his own, only suffering through a few eyebrow wags from his cousin before he had slipped out after Brendol. 

Ben felt like he should have known it was a mistake encouraging her to get a job at his work. Now she used it to watch and tease him. The only reason he didn’t hate it was that he knew it came from a place of warmth.

Hux was sitting on one of the picnic benches, feet primly pressed together. He didn’t have a cigarette anywhere to be seen, and because of the late time of their shifts the fenced in area was blissfully empty. 

“Coffee?”

Ben held it out to him, making sure that it was at an awkward angle so that their fingers would brush when Brendol took it from him. He’d noticed those fingers a lot since he had held them in a brief handshake. They looked delicate and long, and his mind had almost immediately gone to how they would feel touching him.

“Thank you.”

Brendol gave him a tight smile. 

“Rough night?”

“It’s fine.” 

The words sounded tense, even more than normal. 

They sipped their drinks in silence for a while; it was a few minutes before Ben tried again. He wasn’t good at this, he never had been.

“If you tell me about it I’ll tell you how I got the scar.”

Unlike most people Brendol didn’t pretend that he didn’t know what Ben was talking about, as people often tried to, as if it wasn’t completely obvious. 

“Alright. I am waiting to hear back to see if my Visa is accepted. It’s too early yet, but I don’t like waiting to figure out how I need to plan the rest of my year. I don’t want to return.”

Ben turned his head away so that he could roll his eyes. He hardly had the next week planned out. Sometimes he was sure that Brendol said things with the purpose of sounding unbelievable, because no one could be that ambitious. 

“You can’t just marry your partner, or really anyone?”

Ben asked it purely to figure out if he was dating and if there was a chance he was into men. Ben knew it would be harder than just getting a work visa. His mother was the Director of Immigration. She had immigrated when she was young and had fought for people like herself ever since. 

“Maybe if I had a partner.”

The words were possibly flirtatious, but he wasn’t sure how that sounded on Brendol, and Ben was learning when not to press for more information. 

“Alright.”

He let a few more silent minutes pass before he finally told his part. His therapist encouraged him to talk about it, but it was still hard, he used broad strokes to paint the picture. Broad enough that he didn’t have to remember it.

“A bomb went off and my section was hit. I woke up a while later with one less kidney, a little less intestine, and a cut on my face.” 

Brendol looked uncomfortable; he obviously didn’t know what to say about it and in the need to change the subject Ben spoke again. 

“There’s nothing dangerous about taking phone calls.”

The awkward joke was meant to ease the tension, and it worked well enough as Brendol forced out an awkward laugh. 

They finished out Brendol’s coffee break in silence and even though Ben had another fifteen minutes to his lunch break he decided to take it in his last break. This way they could walk back together. 

Ben wished he could break through the awkwardness between them. He was still thinking about it when he sat down beside him and signed onto his phone. 

Ben turned around in his chair and watched Brendol fiddle with his cell phone, which they weren’t allowed. He was looking at a folder and it all seemed to be pictures of the same plump orange cat. It looked huge and either had a lot of fur, or was slightly overweight.

“I knew you were a crazy cat lady.”

Ben laughed out and tugged it out of Brendol’s hands. Although he made a noise of annoyance he didn’t try and snatch it back right away. 

“I am not- Hello, New Republic tech support…”

Ben tuned out the spiel and kept looking at his photos even as Brendol leveled him with a glare. The cat looked regal in most the poses, but in one he saw it in a blond women’s lap, looking large and comfortable. He hoped it wasn’t a girlfriend, but the whole folder other than that one seemed to just be of the cat. He stayed on that one, chewing on his lip.

Brendol was still looking at him and took a swing at the phone. Ben held it above him and mouthed ‘girlfriend?’ at him as he showed Brendol his own picture.

Brendol hit the mute button hard enough that his finger made a slapping noise.

“No, my fucking cat is not my girlfriend.”

“I meant the girl.”

“She's the wrong gender, asshole.”

He spat before unmuting his mic, his cheeks got that angry flush that was deeply attractive. Ben had loved it since the first time he had seen him give a begrudging apology. 

“No I got that, okay so if I could just get you to repeat that one more time, but this time wait ten seconds before powering up then…”

Ben smiled even though anger was obvious in Brendol’s tone as he tried to get back into the call. The step was obvious bullshit because he had lost his place. After Ben finished looking at the pictures he placed it on the desk where Brendol could see and went back to his own station, waiting for a call.

Even if Brendol was pissed off Ben had got the answer he had been wanting. He would just have to try harder to reach out and try to make the attraction mutual.


	4. Chapter 4

The papers came sooner than he had expected. It took only two months in his new job to find out that he was not going to get a work Visa. They claimed that since he was not doing a skilled job, that it wasn’t necessary for him to be the one doing it. 

He had spent the weekend feeling numb, mostly going to all his favourite places as if it would be the last time. If he wanted he still had a total of five months left on his current visa, being practical he always left extra time in case there were unexpected delays. Brendol wasn’t sure if it was worth it though. It would only be delaying the inevitable, but at the same time he wasn’t ready to return. 

With only five months left on his visa Brendol knew he wasn’t going to quit. He would continue until he had no choice but to leave.

The last thing he wanted was to be near his family and hear his father’s lecture on how he should have joined the military, and that he wouldn’t be out of a job then. He’s already heard the CliffsNotes version on that the last time he had called home and finally admitted he lost his job.

His mother would guilt him for all the time he had been away and as long as he was in the country he would feel smothered by them both. Brendol would feel the need to date the right people, and find a job that would make them proud rather than something he would like, just to make sure he didn’t have to hear about it every day. Once he returned he wasn’t sure when he would be able to leave again.

The distance had given him so much more freedom, even though he supposed obeying them was a self-imposed left over from his childhood.

Part of him wished he had been like Phasma and married a local. She wouldn’t be returning home like some guilty child. Not that it felt like home anymore, his apartment with Millie was his home now.

As Brendol thought of Phasma he grabbed his work satchel and headed in her direction. It was two hours before he started, but she would be finished for the day. There was something convenient about working nights. 

Phasma and her wife lived close, and a few months ago she had mentioned that they wanted to move into his building, but it hadn’t happened yet. He knew there was a waiting list and he was glad he had been able to just buy his outright. That was another thing he would have to think about when he left, selling it to them or holding on and hoping he could come back. 

He wanted to hold on, but he didn’t know how long it would be before he could return.

As Brendol rang Phasma to let him in it struck him how deeply he didn’t want to go. He no longer had friends there. 

It took only minutes to get inside and walk up the five floors to Phasma’s. She had left the apartment door open for him and he walked in, slipping his shoes off. When he didn’t see her immediately he called out to her.

“Hey Phas, I hope you don’t mind I dropped by.”

A head peeked out of the kitchen, white and shaved on the side. Close he knew it was in the design of little scales. His gaze moved down to the bowl in her arms. 

Right, it would be dinner time for most people. 

“No problem, come and help.”

She looked so happy, and Brendol wasn’t sure this was where he should be at the moment. Yet he still followed her and was surprised to see Dopheld there as well. Though he supposed he shouldn’t be that surprised since he was sort of her brother-in-law. He was Phasma’s wife, Lillian Unamo, step- brother. They had both moved to the country as teens with their now shared parents. Although they still held their accents they also held citizenship.

He knew both of them from when they had worked together at Starkiller Tech, but he hasn’t seen Dopheld since his change in job. The shame hanging onto him at his fall. He hadn’t really seen anyone other than Phasma since they had all been laid off.

Brendol gave him a tight smile and watched the shorter man light up. A part of his brain reminded him that if they had dated when Dopheld had confessed they might be married now and he’d be like Phasma. 

Lillian didn’t act as if she even noticed he was there other than a bland hello. She was sitting at the dining table having a drink and reading. He spent enough time at their place to know Phasma cooked and Lillian cleaned.

“Long time no see.”

Dopheld said, looking far too happy to see him. 

“I’ve been busy.”

His regrets about coming only deepened, while Brendol didn’t mind talking in front of Lillian, it felt a little personal to talk about his visa in front of Dopheld. Not that he had a choice, it was either that or wait until the next time he slinked over.

“So what’s up?”

Phasma asked, seeing through him. Not that it would have been hard to; he always called before showing up so this was blaringly unusual for him. 

“My visa was rejected.”

It was the first time he had said the words out loud. Only making them feel even more real. 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry. What are you going to do?”

She managed to look slightly concerned, but never one stopped mixing what he now was thinking was some kind of dough.

“I’m not sure; I don’t have a lot of options right now.”

The room was becoming silent and Brendol knew he was killing the cheerful mood that had seemed to exist before he arrived. 

“You know there are sites you can go to find partners.”

He shot her a glare, but she pushed on. 

“I mean you might have to go home for a while, but I know you have enough savings that you could afford not to work for a year.”

The bowl in her arms was shoved at Dopheld and he took it obediently. 

He watched her leave the room and Lillian, who had obviously been listening in, just shrugged. Brendol didn’t dare look at Dopheld again, in case he got any ideas on the conversation.

Phasma came back with a post-it note shaped like an apple. She handed to him and he could see it was a website. He glared in her direction as he crumpled it and stuffed it into his pocket.

“I thought about it myself before I met Lill.”

“Even if I had the time I wouldn’t marry someone to stay in the country.”

He said primly. Brendol could already feel the vein in his neck throbbing, he was going to have a headache by the time he got to work.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually why Monday's chapter was late, I wanted to do two this week :)

“That’s illegal you know.”

Brendol glared over his shoulder at Ben for snooping, but neither of them had a call so there wasn’t much he could say.

“I wouldn’t do it anyway.”

As if to prove a point he closed out the web browser and threw the address Phasma had given him in their shared trash bin. He should have thrown it away at her apartment and spared himself this embarrassing moment. Instead as dread settled in, he had curiously peek at it.

“I thought you were getting a work visa.”

“Turned down.”

He bit out. Although they had chatted about personal things Brendol didn’t really like admitting that, it stung his pride that had already taken a beating when he accepted this job.

Ben frowned and leaned back in his chair, his arms crossing. His muscled chest creased down the center where his pecs were pushed together. It only made him curious about what the rest of the tattoo looked like. It kept teasing him as it peeked out just a little. 

Brendol hated that he wore v-necks, but he had to admit that Ben wore them well. No one should have a chest that nice.

“You should have let me know if you thought you would have trouble, I know someone.”

He looked more concerned than someone should who was losing a cubemate, although as far as Brendol could tell Ben didn’t have many friends. All he ever talked about was his friend from the army Steve, and his cousin Rey that worked in the cafeteria. Maybe losing their daily bickering meant a lot to Ben. 

Brendol himself had never worried about the fact that he only really had three close friends, they were close and it had always felt like enough with his busy work schedule before this job. Anyone else stayed as acquaintances, but he supposed working in a cubicle with Ben meant he spent a lot more time with him than he had with most of the people he knew.

They might not be close enough for Brendol to personally care but he would miss looking at his arms stretching out the sleeves on his V-necks. 

“You know someone?”

Brendol made sure his voice was appropriately incredulous. 

“Shut up I do.”

Brendol smiled for what must have been the first time since he got the news. 

“I’m sure you do.”

“How long do you have left?”

Ben asked so fast he hardly had time to finish speaking. 

“Five months if I stay for it all. I probably will.”

He watched Ben bite his plump bottom lip. It was unmarred from his scar and always tried to steal Hux’s attention. Sometimes he wondered if Ben knew how attractive he was, and other times when he was acting particularly arrogant Brendol was sure of it. Although Brendol didn’t feel the need to know him further he could appreciate a good looking man.

Ben’s expressive face was telling a story, but not one that he could understand. The silence was dragging out with the background noise of babbling voices going through the same twenty steps over and over again. It was somehow worse than silence.

“I would hate to see you go. I was just getting used to hearing the way you fumble your way through the spiel.” 

“You’re an asshole.”

Brendol had to lower his voice as he said it so no one would overhear. Ben flashed his crooked teeth and laughed. There was a response of someone shushing them from the next cubicle over. 

Ben opened his mouth for what Brendol assumed would be a rude remark when his expression changed and he heard the familiar ‘Hello, New Republic tech support’. 

Shortly after that he got his own call and the conversation was no longer on his mind as he ran through almost the same conversation as the one happening behind him. 

The one thing that was nice about work was that it was mind numbing and all the worry and stress was pushed away by sheer boredom. 

It wasn’t until break that it was brought up again. He was getting used to Ben following him out to the smoking cage with a coffee in hand. Brendol took the offering with both hands and took a sip.

“Look I know we aren’t close, but I would be sad to see you go. I know that I can’t help with a visa that’s already been rejected…”

Ben sounded stiff and rehearsed and the end of the sentence just led off into nowhere. Brendol was getting used to the odd way Ben sometimes spoke. How when he was uncomfortable he took a little too long to respond to things or how his voice got deeper when he was relaxed. 

“It’s not your fault.”

“I mean, I know you said you wouldn’t, but I would be willing to do that for you. It’s not like I have any prospects lined up.”

Ben let out a strange laugh that sounded nothing like the one earlier and he waved a hand at his face as if to say that he was too scarred for anyone to find him handsome. Brendol was torn between complimenting him and asking just how serious he was. Neither of those things came out.

“Are you mocking me?”

“No, I mean I wasn’t totally serious, I just know I could get it pushed through. Not like you’re special. But. Just ignore it.”

The words were quick, one after the other with stilted pauses.

Ben didn’t flee the area, but he looked deeply uncomfortable with the situation that he had created. 

It wasn’t until Brendol was home that night when he was half way through a bottle of wine that he fully realised that in a roundabout way Ben had purposed to him.


	6. Chapter 6

“You did what?”

Rey almost shouted at him as he finished telling her about his offer two weeks before. It was payment for her help to dye his hair. When he had come back to heal he hadn’t really spoken to anyone, it had taken a while for their relationship to become normal again.

She has always used bribery to keep him talking, and now it felt good to share things with her that he wouldn’t with anyone else. Their once a month hair dying sessions helped him connect with his cousin.

“He turned me down, it wasn’t a big deal I was just got flustered by his sneer being fully aimed at me and I started babbling.”

He could hear a deep exasperated sigh.

“You know mom would be furious if she found out.”

It annoyed Ben to no end that his cousin called Leia mom, even he didn’t do that, but he had stopped correcting her long ago.

“Well unless you tell her she won’t.”

He felt Rey pull the sensitive hair at the back of his neck and was sure it was on purpose. It stung as she kept digging through to make sure there was no dull red hiding out.

“I won’t, but only because you obviously like him.”

The comment sounded bland, but Ben heard the mischief behind it.

Rey had been the same with Finn, it had been insufferable sharing a cubical with him, all Finn wanted to do was talk about how cool his cousin was. Finally Ben convinced Finn to go to a LGBT meetup with her, something she had been going to since she came out as trans. Finn got to meet a few of her friends and they had stayed out all night at a Denny's sharing milkshakes. A month later Finn had applied to work in the cafe, and they had been dating ever since. 

Ben would allow her to tease him in return to get her revenge.

He felt Rey tug her fingers through his hair again, getting caught in a few places. She had just helped him recolour it, otherwise he always ended up getting his ears as well. After he had washed out the dye she had begun checking to make sure they had gotten everything.

“I like watching how red his face turns when he’s pissed off.”

Ben laughed, both trying to deflect what she said, but also thinking about the day before when he had stolen half of Brendol’s sandwich when he was in the bathroom washing his hands. Ben had offered a bag of chips in consolation, but Brendol had still had that pretty angry flush high on his cheeks.

Ben knew it wasn’t helping his case, but Brendol always seemed to suck it up after a few borderline cruel comments and would just shot him glares while he talked to clients for the rest of the day.

“You have bought him coffee almost every day the last two weeks.”

She hadn’t been working for three of those days and his eyebrows drew together in a scowl. Finn, that traitor, must have told her.

“I’m happy for you Ben, I don’t remember the last time you seemed interested in anyone. I’m glad that you like him.”

Her voice was soft as she continued and he was glad when his phone beeped so he could escape the conversation and pretend to ignore it for the text.

It was Brendol, and as he read it again to make sure it was for him a second one came.

_Jerk From Work: Come over, I want to talk._  
_3:04 am_

_Jerk From Work: Now Ben._  
_3:04 am_

He paused before he wrote his reply

_I don’t know where you live._  
_3:06 am_

He wasn’t about to turn Brendol down, the timing was awful but he felt the flutter of excited nerves at the thought. This would be the first time they would hang out outside of work.

When an address came through he quickly brushed Rey off with a quick hug.

“Thanks kid, every time I do it by myself I end up with more dye on my ears than in my hair.”

“You going somewhere?”

Normally it followed they would watch a movie, but he knew how to get all of his family to leave him alone.

“I’m feeling a little overwhelmed I think I need to go for a ride.”

It worked as well as expected and she dropped whatever she was going to say. Rey stayed watching him a moment as he changed into something a little better than a shirt with more holes in it than cloth. It was the worry, always hanging around in almost all the conversations with his family. What if he backslid, what if it went back to how it was when he first returned.

It wasn’t until he was grabbing his jacket that Rey finally left the room with a quiet, ‘be safe’.

Guilt followed him to his bike, but he left it at the house as he put on his helmet and took off.

It had always calmed Ben to ride on his bike. He was alone and he felt in control. Now it was soothing as he rode to a slightly unfamiliar part of town. All Ben had really gotten from the address was a general area and once he was close he had to stop and actually check it on his GPS so that he could find the place.

There was parking out front, but the building looked nicer than he had expected. There were actual gardens outside and he could see the size of the balconies. They made it look like the apartments were only a few to a floor. An actual person let him in and called up to Brendol before sending him on his way up the elevators.

He was feeling a little stunned as to how someone working in a call center could afford this, but Ben wasn’t complaining as he took one of the elevators to the floor that had been specified.

Ben could see he was right about his guess, the apartments were fairly large the doors spaced far apart and he walked slow as he made his way to Brendol’s door. His nerves were a stronger when he knocked against the firm wood.

A very harried looking Brendol answered. His hair wasn’t in the perfect helmet it was normally combed into. Ben could see that the product was still in it. The place where Brendol’s fingers had dug through it caused it to stand on end with the heavy amount of product it had in it. His cheeks were flushed and his sleeves were pushed up to reveal his forearms. Ben wanted to be the one that made him look so messy and he gave Brendol a slow smile.

He hoped his flirtatious intentions came through in it. It had been a long time since he had actually attempted flirting.

“Come in.”

He kicked off his shoes and followed Brendol through the apartment, his eyes eating up the area. Everything was very minimal, it looked like he hardly lived in the space other than the fact that the bookshelf was brimming with books and a few had escaped to lie on the floor beside it.

Brendol ended up leading him into an office. One wall was floor to ceiling windows and he looked out at the city. It felt a lot less claustrophobic in here, but he was also quickly realising this wasn’t going to turn into the visit he hoped it would.

“What did you want to talk about?”

A pink lip was worried between Brendol’s teeth before he spoke. It only made Ben want to kiss him more.

“Were you serious? What you said about helping me stay in the country.”

Brendol danced around actually saying the words and he wobbled a little on his feet. Ben took notice of the two empty bottles of wine on the desk and the half full glass.

The silence dragged out as Ben thought it over; he had made the offer in the heat of the moment. He had seen Brendol looking at matches and had thought about how much he would like to be in that place. He knew the reality was less fun than that. Ben wouldn’t be able to kiss and touch Brendol like he wanted. He could never turely take advantage of it.

In all likelihood it would be a step back. He would always have to be wary of what he did to make sure it was the right thing and not just what he wanted.

Yet now that Brendol was asking with that pathetic look on his face, half sneer half sad, Ben knew he couldn’t turn him down.

“If you need it; yeah.”

A bit of the tension in Brendol seemed to melt away.

“You said you could get the papers pushed through, how fast?”

Ben guessed it would only be two weeks at the longest; his mother could make things happen when she wanted, but he would rather have a longer buffer.

“About a month and a half.”

“Alright.”

Brendol sat down in front of his computer and drained the glass of wine. He was totally entranced in what he was doing, and Ben watched him type and delete and move things for a moment before he leaned over his shoulder and looked at it.

It was a spreadsheet with a relationship spread over it. There were weekend holidays, dates, and what stage they should be at punctuated all throughout it.

He could see ‘engaged’ being added in bright red letters at three months and the wedding date the week after. Ben felt slightly suffocated in the moment. Part of him wanted to laugh out loud that Brendol was taking the time to make a spreadsheet and the rest of him wanted to take it back.

“I have a document I want you to read, so you know what you are getting into.”

Brendol continued, pausing in the middle to swallow loudly.

Ben heard the printer spring to life and he was thankful for the distraction.

Brendol standing up was an expected distraction as he tilted and Ben had to catch him before he went over. Although he seemed together Ben could see just how drunk he was up close. It became even more obvious as Brendol looked nauseous and swallowed a few more times.

“Bathroom.”

Ben instructed, half dragging Brendol through the large apartment before finding one. They hardly got in the door before Brendol fell to his knees and started wrenching over the toilet.

To busy himself Ben looked through the drawers until he found a washcloth. He put it under the water until it was cool. It allowed him to ignore that Brendol was emptying his stomach into the bowl and Ben felt guilt that he was glad they had a break from their previous conversation.

It all seemed to be fluid and when Brendol finished he wiped his mouth on the toilet paper and started to pull himself up by gripping the counter until his long fingers turned white. Ben finally relented and helped him up, only then pressing the cool washcloth to his face.

He could see Brendol push into it and he slowly continued. First his forehead and then over his eyes and cheeks and finally his mouth. Ben knew he shouldn’t want to kiss him, but he did. The fact that Brendol was drunk helped push the urge down, so that he only tilted forward an unnoticeable amount.

As he put the washcloth down on the counter Ben shifted and slid his hands down to Brendol’s hips to hold him steady. It was surprising how small his waist was, and Ben suddenly took it all in. Just how thin Brendol was under the large blazers he normally wore. They gave him so much more shoulder width, and in the thin silver dress shirt he looked tiny compared.

Brendol took a step forward and fell against his chest and Ben knew he needed to put Brendol to bed. He could deal with him when he was back to being sober and uptight.

Instead of letting Brendol lean on him Ben bent and then scooped him up in his arms. He was heavy enough to give Ben’s arms a nice strain, but not enough that he wasn’t sure he could carry him for a while.

“Stop that, put me down!”

“Think of it as a preview of our wedding night.”

Brendol’s face flushed further with anger when Ben didn’t set him down, but he didn’t struggle immediately, he just stewed in his arms.

“We have a lot to talk about still.”

“And we can talk about it when you’re sober.”

Since Brendol was no help at all it took a few mistaken rooms before Ben found his bedroom. It was huge and spacious, and the bed looked big enough for an orgy.

That wasn’t what drew his attention though. It was that the room actually looked lived in. There were knickknacks and a few pictures of what Ben assumed were his parents.

There was also a huge orange cat stretched out on the bed, trying to take up the whole thing.

She hadn’t looked half the as big in the pictures. He had remembered a normal size in the blond women’s lap, but there was no way that was a normal cat.

Ben carried Brendol right to his bed and set him in it.

“Get changed and I will be back with water.”

Brendol made a noise of complaint, but the fact that he was so pliant only told Ben how drunk he was.

Ben could hear him cooing at his cat as he fled the room and found the kitchen.

He drained the glass himself before he filled it up again. Ben didn’t return to the bedroom right away, wanting to give Brendol time to finish changing. He wasn’t sure he could take the image of Brendol half nude.

Instead he looked out the large window. The view was amazing and he wanted to go out on the balcony that moment. Ben hadn’t had his own place for a long time. Since he returned he had been living in his mother’s basement with her and Rey upstairs. It was never this peaceful.

When he was sure Brendol was finished he returned to the room only to find him still fully dressed and soring lightly into his pillow, the cat tucked into his side, seemingly accepting his arm curled around it.

Ben snorted as he set the glass on a coaster that sat on his night table. _Of course_ Brendol would have a coaster for his night table.

At first he didn’t know if he should go, but instead Ben ended up calling them both in sick for work the next night and taking off only his jacket and jeans before curling under the blankets on the other side of the bed.

He told himself it was big enough, that he didn’t have to worry about anything more that the possibility of the fat cat smothering him in his sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Hux woke with his tongue feeling like sandpaper and his temple pounding as he woke. He remembered the night before, or at least enough of it. He had admitted that he may be returning and they had starting working out where he could work, and his father even suggested setting up a date with some man from his office because ‘It was obscene that someone your age is still single, people will think something is wrong with you’.

He had started drinking when they hung up, he knew it was because they cared about him, but it felt like the suffocation of his childhood. He was thirty-six and they seemed to think they knew what was best for him.

It took a while for him to work up into the desperation needed to seriously think over Ben’s offer and about a bottle of wine before he actually started to figure out how it would work. After consulting with Millie, who he was sure wanted to stay, he had texted Ben and let his desperation fly out of control.

The only thing that had calmed him was having it all worked out, he had made a contract so that Ben would understand what they would have to do, and a spreadsheet so that he felt like he had control over the future.

As he sat up in bed he saw Ben curled up on the other side, his long dark hair framing his face and making him look like an angel. It made Brendol furious that he could look so content while his own head felt like it was splitting open.

There was a glass of water next to the bed and he drank in down as quickly as possible, feeling nauseous as he stood up and picked out clothing for the day. Since he had slept in yesterdays he would have to send it out to be cleaned and pressed.

With a frown he dragged himself to the bathroom and avoided the mirror after catching sight of his dark under eyes and his out of control hair. It was disgraceful and he could hear his father’s voice going over how one should look and act when guests were over.

In the shower he stood under the stream sometimes taking a gulp of the water to try and combat the hangover.

He was hardly feeling better after the shower, but he was at least glad to get the sticky feeling of sleeping in hair wax and sweat off his body.

Brendol was already planning the day as he started to work his hair back into shape, leaving out the product at least for now. Finishing a quick brush of his teeth, he redressed and forced himself to leave the master bathroom. He would have to talk to Kylo and see if it really could work, something that sounded a lot worse now that he was sober.

Except when he left the bathroom Kylo was no longer in bed, in fact his clothing wasn’t even on the floor anymore. He would have thought he left if not for the scent in the air.

Brendol followed it to the kitchen and stood in shock as he watched Ben in front of his stove. His black and red hair was tucked behind his giant ears and his expression was placid.

At work he often wore repressed anger.

It was strange and Brendol would have stayed stunned in the doorway had he not seen Ben drop some eggs to the floor. It was covered by the island, but Brendol knew why he was doing it. He could hear Millicent chirping from where she was located at his feet.

“She’s on a diet, please do not give her treats.”

“Aww, but you should see how she’s looking at me.”

Ben gave him a sleepy smile and dropped another bit of scramble onto the floor.

“Trust me, I know. How do you think she became so fat?”

“You’re not fat kitty; Bren is just a mean man.”

Brendol glared at him as he crossed the room.

“It’s Brendol or Hux, I do not do nicknames.”

A roll of eyes made him open his mouth to continue his expression of annoyance when Ben cut him off.

“So last night, were you serious about needing my help?”

Brendol wanted to say no, but his pride was worth staying, so he swallowed and said what he really didn’t want to.

“Yes. Did you look at the contract?”

“I didn’t see much, you passed out pretty much as soon as I arrived and I wasn’t about to search your house.”

Ben raised an eyebrow and dropped another small piece of egg.

“Diabetes Ben, overweight cats can get diabetes.”

He rounded the island and scooped her up in his arms. Bending over gave him a swarm of nausea, but it allowed him to give Ben a superior look, so it was worth it.

“Where is the contract?”

“In my office, I believe I remember printing it for you.”

“Oh right, before you puked everywhere.”

Ben scraped the mix out of the pan and onto a plate and set it in front of one of the barstools against the island.

“Eat this, I will go get it.”

Ben also set down a bottle of Advil and looked too smug for Brendol’s liking before he left.

The need to stop his stomach from turning finally won out and he set Millicent down and started to eat. He was surprised at how good it tasted, there was bacon, onion, feta and a mix of herbs in it and he hummed in pleasure as he wolfed it down.

He was half way done when Ben returned and he could see that he was laughing to himself.

“These are some terms you have.”

Brendol didn’t completely remember it all, but he was sure that even his drunk mind would have written out what was needed.

“Questions?”

“No dating?”

“We can’t get caught and dating out of this relationship could land us both in jail, I think that is a perfectly relevant term to have.”

“Alright, what is this about kissing?”

Ben was looking amused and Brendol wasn’t sure he understood just how serious this would be.

“Although I loathe public affection, we will need to. After all we are getting married within three months; we have to be believably enthralled in each other. It is paramount that it doesn’t look like as if we are unused to it each time we are near.”

“Last question, why do I have to live here?”

“I own this apartment, and I am assuming someone like you rents, so it follows that you should stay with me instead of me moving to wherever you chose to wallow. I am willing to cover all the costs while you are living here to thank you for your help.”

“You are unbelievable. Are you trying to insult me into marrying you?”

Ben laughed out.

Hux wasn’t going to grace that with an answer, instead he pushed past it.

“My parents called last night and reminded me what I was coming home to. I think that pulling this off is a better choice than going home. Do you agree to the terms?”

Ben still looked like he was on the edge of laughter, and he bit his soft lower lip before nodding.

“Yeah, I’ll do it.”

He still doubted that Ben knew how serious it was, in fact he was ignoring Brendol and typing away on his phone.

“What are you doing?”

Brendol demanded before taking another bite of egg.

Ben just held out his phone, showing him a text conversation.

_Rey of Sunshine: Where are you?_  
_7:00 am_

_Rey of Sunshine: I am worried, answer your phone_  
_2:00 pm_

He saw the unsent message ‘Spent the night with Bren’ and then a row of eggplants.

He groaned and gave Ben a look to show him just what he thought of that.

“We need to start setting up the proof, this is just the type of thing that we will need to have.”

Brendol hated that it was true, and that Ben was actually doing the right thing. So he just let out a groan around a mouthful of food to stop from having to actually reply.


	8. Chapter 8

Their days off had gone fast, Brendol made sure that Ben understood the schedule, and that he would be able to remember it.

Although he seemed slightly irritated by all the information that Brendol was bombarding him with, Ben accepted it.

When they returned to work Ben would text him every night. They would mostly say nonsense, but Ben seemed to always try and make him laugh with it. He hated that most the time he did. After a week it wasn’t that bad and although they had ‘dates’ they ended up mostly eating together and walking the cat while holding hands. He knew they would have to pretend at a deeper level but for now they were adjusting to touch. He noticed that Ben could sometimes be a little skittish.

Ben seemed to love Millicent and it helped him feel a little better about the whole awkward situation.

The weekend starting meant only one thing, another weekend with Ben in his living space. Taking up room in his bed and bringing over more of his things. The place was big enough that he didn’t feel too choked by it., but Ben seemed to take up room just by being around.

When Phasma suggested that Brendol come over for a small get together, he used the chance to let her know he was spending the weekend with the man he was ‘seeing’. It was more than he usually admitted and he knew he had to be the most careful with her. Brendol didn’t want to have her lie for him, and she would be the one person who could see through him.

She had told him to invite Ben and any friends he had.

Ben had responded with an affirmative, but it took a while for him to respond, letting Brendol know that he wasn’t fully comfortable with the idea.

He texted Ben the address and walked Millicent over. She would be content to stay in the spare room that Phasma always had set up for the two of them. Back when they worked together they often worked on their days off, Brendol would almost live at her house. Even though that was no longer the situation, she always set up the room for the two of them.

When he arrived he noticed it was just a small get together, only four people, and his worries about bringing Ben lessened.

He took off Millicent’s harness and shooed her into the spare room before entering the kitchen and grabbing a drink from one of the bottles on the counter. Lillian always premixed drinks, so it was a mystery until he tasted it.

Phasma saddled up beside him with a sly smile on her face.

“So who is this man you’ve never told me about?”

Phasma knew him too well, he would have to start by pretending it was a fling that turned into something more. She would take one look at Ben and know he wasn’t his usual type.

“Someone I work with.”

“You’re dating someone who works at a call center?”

Her voice told him she was calling bullshit.

“I work at a call center.”

She still lifted one pale eyebrow, and he saw her pull out a pan and cocoa. They always made fudge for the morning after. It meant she expected him to stay over, but also Ben. He hadn’t brought anything to sleep in other than his underwear and he froze for a second.

Before she could dig into him further he was saved by the doorbell.

“I’ll get it, you keep mixing.”

He paused before he left the room, he had adjusted to the scar that bisected Ben’s face, but he realised he had never mentioned it before. Brendol wanted to spare Ben the awkwardness.

“He has a scar, please don’t mention it.”

With that Brendol quickly rushed to the entrance. Even though he didn’t know if it was Ben he went to answer it. He relaxed when he saw that it was.

Ben’s clothing was a little straighter than normal. He was wearing a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to show his forearms. It was tucked into his jeans, and he was even wearing a real belt. His red and black hair was pulled up into a messy bun and Brendol could tell that he was honestly trying.

There was another man behind him with brown curly hair and friendly smile, but he ignored him, knowing that he had to put on a show for everyone.

“Good to see you.”

He leaned forward, bracing a hand on Ben’s chest, using it as an excuse to touch one of the pecs that were always showing in his V-necks. He could see mild surprise before he pressed a soft kiss to the side of Ben’s mouth.

Ben seemed to catch on quick enough because an arm slipped around his waist and he was kissed in return, this time on the lips. Brendol leaned into it, feeling just how soft Ben’s lips were. It was more than just that, there was the warmth and the way that Ben lipped at him. He felt a shiver down his spine even though it was still chaste. It also lasted long enough that he heard someone clearing their throat.

Ben broke the kiss but kept his arm around his waist, his hand settling on his hip with a thumb in his beltloop. It was much too intimate for him normally, but instead he played into it and rested his own hand on Ben’s bicep. The kiss alone would be out of character for him, but he hoped that the touch only made him seem smitten rather than fake.

He could see a faint blush high on Ben’s cheeks and he pretended he didn’t notice, smiling past him at his friend.

“I’m Brendol Hux.”

Ben stayed between them making it impossible to shake hands.

“Steve, nice to meet you.”

He didn’t elaborate further than that, just smiling brightly at him.

“I’m going to help Phasma finish up a few snacks; you can join me, or get to know everyone.”

He suggested to Ben, leading them both inside. Ben kicked off his combat boots and Steve followed suit.

There they split up, Steve and Ben leaving to the living room to meet the others and him retuning to the kitchen.

Phasma looked up as soon as they entered, and she gave Brendol a look that spoke volumes. He could almost hear her saying that she understood why he was seeing Ben now.

“You saw him then.”

It was a statement and she responded to with a smug smirk.

Quickly she launched into questions that he couldn’t really answer. Like what the rest of his tattoo looked like or how far the scar went. He pretended to be offended and embarrassed to ward off answering, but it also made him realise they would have to answer things like that eventually. Already he was trying to think of a way to get Ben undressed without it being weird.

Brendol would need to have proof of vacations taken together, so he would have to make sure he took him swimming. Maybe the rest of the weekend could be spent in a hotel, it was only Friday.

He absently helped her mix the chocolate and chatted about her work. Brendol felt slightly jealous that she had found something that actually fit her degree, but also glad that at least one of them was challenged at their job.

Every once in a while he would check in on the other room and he was content to see that Steve was tucked in beside Dopheld and the two seemed to be deep in conversation.

Ben seemed to be a little awkward and folded in on himself, but Lillian looked genuinely interested in whatever he was saying. Once he finished the fudge he would go rescue him, but for now he was content to see him cementing their fake relationship.

“Do you want to get the condensed milk? There should be a can in the pantry.”

With that he obeyed, looking through the shelves until it became obvious that there was nothing there.

“You’re out, want me to pick some up?”

“We’re not out. Trust me. Lill took over the closet in the hallway; there should be a flat in there.”

He could hear the slight exasperation, but Phasma had long since given into her wife’s love of cooking.

Ben gave her a smirk in return before leaving the kitchen, he checked on Ben again before he found the closet.

He used his keys to break into a flat, and jumped when he felt a hand on his hip again.

Ben stood very close, well into his personal space.

“You going to join me, or just abandon me all night?”

“Sorry, it’s a tradition. We always want something sweet when we are hung over. It should only be a little longer.”

“Would you mind staying here for a minute, I just need a breath of fresh air.”

“Of course, if you need there is the spare room. I guess we are both supposed to stay over tonight.”

Ben raised one dark brow. His expressive face showed that he wasn’t against it, he leaned in even further.

“Oh?”

Brendol needed to swallow before he spoke.

“It’s already set up for us.”

“I don’t think I’ll need it now, just a few minutes.”

“Phasma will come looking if we take too long.”

“We could give her something to walk in on.”

They had already put on a show at the doorway, but it had been a while since Brendol had kissed someone and the slight heat he had felt earlier made him go against his better judgement.

“We have to do it someday, might as well be today.”

Wrapping his arms around Ben’s neck he pulled him into a kiss, he was close enough in height that it felt natural. This time he right away felt Ben’s tongue flicking over his bottom lip asking for permission. He gave it without a thought, opening his mouth so he could feel the slide of it against his own.

Ben pulled back for a second and he actually made a noise of complain until he felt his large hands traveling down to hook under his thighs and then he was lifted. He was about to struggle when he was pressed against the wall so that he was pinned there by Ben’s body. When Ben kissed him again he just obediently wrapped his legs around him and relaxed into it.

He loved the strength of it, Brendol wasn’t small and he had never been lifted up like he weighed nothing. If it was anyone other than someone he had to fake a relationship with he would have tried for a fling. The thoughts of just what Ben could do with his arms made his stomach feel like jelly.

They had no real sense of time, or how long it would take Phasma to come looking for them, but that wasn’t really on Brendol’s mind as Ben tried to devour him. There were a few clicks of their teeth hitting as they tried to move a little too fast, but overall Brendol was enjoying it. He sucked on Ben’s tongue and was rewarded with a moan, he couldn’t tell if it was faked or real, but he wanted to hear more of the deep noise.

He could feel the hands under him tighten and creep up slightly to get a better grip, almost cupping his ass.

Even though it was a faked relationship it felt like it was moving so fast, like Ben really did want to sallow him whole.

“Somehow this doesn’t look like you were getting the condensed milk.”

Phasma's voice made Brendol pull back. He didn’t have to fake the flush on his cheeks. He was both embarrassed because he hated public displays of affection and because of the fact that he had gotten lost in it and was almost gasping. Ben didn’t put him down and so he was stuck hanging between the other man’s thick frame and the wall.

“I opened the flat.”

He offered, as if that made it better.  
  


[ Art by Flurgburgler](http://flurgburgler.tumblr.com/)

 


	9. Chapter 9

The night before he not only got to kiss Brendol, but he got to sleep next to him only in their underwear. 

Most of the night he had been able to hold his arms around Brendol and his chest ached with the need to do more often. He couldn’t wait until he could move in, and then it would be their every night. When Brendol had suggested they finish off the weekend in a hotel he hadn’t had to ask twice. It meant more of this. 

More mornings of Brendol looking adorable with sleepy eyes and messy hair, and more Brendol moving slowly and finding excuses to stay in bed a little longer. He had made sure that he took a few pictures and quickly posted them to his twitter. Partly for proof and partly because he wanted to look at them later and fully enjoy the way Brendol looked when he first woke up.

Brendol said he knew a hotel that would allow pets after Phasma said she couldn’t watch her. It took him a while to call and let them know what he would need for Millie, but from there on they only made two quick to pick up what they would need for a second night and then they arrived. It was nicer than any place Ben had stayed in for a long time; it reminded him of the places he used to stay with his mother when he was a child. He felt awkward as the bellman took their bags. 

It wasn’t until they were in their suite that he said anything. He took a moment to take it all in, the main room was nice if not a little overly modern for his taste. The only things he really loved where a plush ledge against the window so they could curl up and look out at the view and a loveseat in front of the TV. With their size it would probably be a little tight, something he could look forward to. Ben couldn’t see into the bedroom yet, but he guessed that it was similar in the clean style of the rest of the suite. Even the cat bed on the floor was sleek.

“This is a little extreme don’t you think?”

“What, spending the night in a hotel? In case you forgot I am supposed to be wooing you. This will look better on my credit card bill than a Motel 6.”

Ben struggled not to roll his eyes at the answer and instead moved into Brendol’s personal space and slipped a hand around his waist.

“So since we’re here with your little red wife, what should we do tonight? A romantic walk with just the three of us?”

Ben managed not to smirk as he said it, not even when Brendol shot him a glare.

“Millie can stay in the suite, I would like to go swimming with you and then we can have dinner somewhere romantic.”

Ben felt a jolt at the words. Brendol hadn’t seen him in less than a shirt and his boxers; he hadn’t let anyone see his scars since he got out of the hospital, other than the man who had tattooed over them and Steve who was there when he got it. In the back of his mind he had known that Brendol would have to know what was under there, after all they might have to do interviews to prove that they were together. 

The fact that he hadn’t prepared would only give him a momentary break.

“I didn’t bring a swimsuit.”

“I’ll send someone out for one, let me know your size and I will call down.”

Brendol had a strangely determined expression on his face. Ben wanted to fight it, but he knew that it would be better to get it over with sooner rather than later when the dread could build up. 

“Fine. In that case I’m breaking into the mini bar while we wait.”

“Don’t drink too much, I won’t be able to rescue you if you drown.”

“Whatever you say father.”

Ben said to mock Brendol’s bossy nature. With that he told Brendol his size and let him deal with it as he snuck into their bedroom and downed two little bottles. 

The warmth didn’t really help with his nerves, but it gave him time to take a few deep breaths and think if this was really such a great idea. He’d already questioned himself a few times, and Rey had joined him on that even though she didn’t know it was fake, but in the end he wanted to do this for Brendol. 

It was both a grand gesture of his feelings and the one thing blocking him from making a real move. 

He would have to settle with kisses in front of other people until after they were divorced. With luck by that time it would only be a short parting. 

Ben stayed in the bedroom, looking out the window and watching Millicent as she curled up in the window, her thick tail wrapped around her body. She had a small mane and her large ears were perked up as she watched him. 

She looked a mix between regal and adorable; it seemed odd that someone like Brendol would end up with a pet that looked like that. Ben imagined that he had to buy her from a breeder; he had never seen anything like her at any pet shop he had ever been in. Thinking of Brendol going out of his way to specially buy a little ball of fluff brought a smile to his lips. 

Brendol had a way of being both hot and cold at the same time, the sneers that always sat on his face, his continual rudeness, and then the hidden softness of the kisses they had shared, fudge for breakfast, and his oversized cat. 

Each part only made him like Brendol more. He was still thinking on it when Brendol came in and he started guiltily.

Brendol was in straight legged track pants, pressed with a line down the front, and a polo shirt. It was the most relaxed Ben had seen him other than bed. 

“What’s all this?”

“I can’t just walk to the pool in my swimsuit, besides it will be a while before yours arrives.”

He looked down at his own tight black jeans and the oversized hoody that covered his shirt. Brendol still managed to look tidier than him. Sometimes he clenched his hands to take away the urge to mess up Brendol’s hair, just to feel a little more even.

“Why don’t we watch TV while we wait?”

Ben suggested, honestly just wanting to touch him, it was addictive. With their fake relationship he was allowed to feed that addiction but never enough, only enough to make him want more.

With that Brendol moved to the main room and Ben followed. Just like he had hoped they both sat on the love seat and their thighs pressed together. This was becoming more normal lately, and Brendol didn’t even make a noise when Ben slipped an arm around his shoulders. 

The causal touches meant more to him than the faked kisses. Here he could feel Brendol relaxed in his arms, and as time passed Brendol even leaned more into his side. Brendol must have felt safe with him, and Ben couldn’t remember the last time someone felt safe with him like this. These were the times when he could really pretend that they were together. 

At some point Millicent got tired of being ignored and moved to the arm of the couch to chirp at them. It made Brendol just lean into him more to give her space. She kept up a loud purr and even in the hotel Ben felt like the three of them could be home. 

He felt the weight of the thought in his chest and he wished that he had an excuse to kiss Brendol at that moment, but the door ended up saving him from the thought. 

Ben let Brendol tip the man, and he just waited for the swimsuit. It was passed to him and he took the package back into the Bedroom. Ben cringed at how small it looked. He would have liked board shorts instead, he could pull them up to cover part of the scar on his side, but the small black swim briefs would cover nothing. The side was even thin and would ride up on his hip. 

Although he knew he had to show himself to Brendol someday he didn’t really want everyone else seeing this much.

When there was a knock he told himself he could stay in in the water and Ben quickly changed while trying not to think about it too much. 

He redressed and followed behind Brendol like a guilty child. Only the fact that the change room was empty kept him comfortable enough to slip out of his clothing with his back to Brendol. 

Ben could hear the intake of breath as he stuffed his clothing in a locker. He wasn’t yet ready to look at Brendol, but he felt a thin hand on his shoulder. 

“Are these gears?”

The hand rubbed down his side and he tried not to wince away. He knew the scars were easy to see even with the tattoos. 

“Yes.”

“Do they mean anything?” 

“One for each person in my section.”

The touch lightened to just a drag of fingers, almost tickling as they followed the intricate detail of the biggest one on his side. They were too used to touching now and unlike earlier he wanted wished it to stop. His heart was beating hard as he tried to keep calm.

“Why are two turned inwards?” 

It was moments like this that were in contrast with earlier, he had never wanted to cover up more than then. His hand was shaking with the thought of what Brendol must see. Ben had always tried to be flippant about the past; he didn’t want to let Brendol see how much it had affected him at the time. This was much worse than their nightly chats where they had to share at least one fact from their past. 

Ben kept his voice as steady as he could. 

“For the two of us that haven’t passed away.”

The hand stopped tracing the design and pulled away.

“I’m sorry.”

Ben finally turned around and saw that Brendol had stripped down as well. He was in short light blue and pink gingham trunks, on anyone else Ben would have called them ridiculous, but they suited his pale skin. For the first time he could how small the width of his shoulders and hips were. Despite that he was fit with only a small amount of softness on his stomach. Over all Brendol looked like someone who spent a fair amount of time doing cardio. Although Brendol’s face didn’t have any freckles they did dapple his chest and arms. 

He looked even better undressed to Ben, the pretense he was normally wrapped in couldn’t cover Brendol now. 

Ben averted his eyes and tried to calm the blood rushing in his body. There was nowhere to hide in the tiny swimsuit. 

“And I thought my swimsuit was bad.”

It allowed him to sweep aside the awkwardness for a moment as he teased Brendol.

“I got it when I was seeing my ex, I thought it looked flirty.”

He protested; only Brendol would say something that looks like actual shorts looked flirty.

Brendol looked like he wanted to say more, his eyes still wandering his scars. To stop any questions that might come Ben left for the poolside. At least there he could use the water to calm his speeding heart.


	10. Chapter 10

It seemed quick, they had been together hardly two weeks, but this was his first checkpoint. 

Ben started truly moving in.

After their vacation together they made sure Ben was almost always over. He had set up the spare room so that Ben could work out as he needed at his own personal expense. 

They also needed to have extra clothing at Brendol’s house. The night before Ben had spilled dinner on his shirt and this morning he had borrowed one of Brendol’s.

It had been obscene how the shirt was stretched to its limits. Although they were almost the same height, the loose grey t-shirt that Brendol often slept it did not fit Ben at all in the same manner. It pulled over his chest and shoulders in a way that made him burn with envy, and only a small hint of appreciation, or at least that is what he told himself. 

At least if he had to spend a lot of time with Ben he could appreciate the work that he put into his body. 

He felt like he was doing that a lot lately. When they were on vacation and he had been admiring Ben’s body after swimming and he had let the words slip ‘you must work out a lot’. It sounded juvenile, he hated it. The sort of thing his parents would be embarrassed if he said, but he had still said it. 

Ben had awkwardly shrugged, getting that look he did sometimes, like he would rather be anywhere else than having that conversation. In the end he had just mumbled something about needing to, something about the incident, and soft tissue and ligament damage. 

As always when his time in the military was mentioned it was brushed by quickly and without any real explanation. 

Brendol was starting to put it together though. Maybe it was some sort of bomb, but only Ben and Steve survived it. Ben had to put a lot of time into being able to live past whatever it was, but he seemed to hate what had happened as if it was his own personal weakness. Maybe it was. 

Someday Brendol knew they would have to talk about it, but not yet. 

With how Ben tensed like he was preparing for a blow when they talked about it, Brendol knew when it came to it the conversation would probably be explosive or tense. Brendol wasn’t really ready for either. 

That wasn’t what he had meant by the comment anyway. The scars weren’t what caught his eyes when he had said that. It was how fit Kylo was, how his thighs had looked in that stupid black swimsuit. It wasn’t only that, it was that he looked like he was about to burst from it, and that his back was sculpted so that when he was swimming it was perfectly showcased. 

Brendol had let the conversation die, but now that they were under the grand house of Leia Organa in Ben’s basement suite he wanted to bring it up again. He could see all the spots in the wall where it had holes had been plastered over and the paint covering it was just a little off. They all looked old, or at least old enough that he didn’t feel worried, but he did feel curious. 

The whole basement suite was overly clean screaming that it’s occupant had either spent time in the military, so it took no time for Ben to pack up what he wanted most in his day to day life. 

“How long have you been out?”

“Out of what?”

“The army.” 

Ben made a tight smile and shrugged as he picked out three black V-necks that looked all the same and placed them in the duffle bag. 

“Long enough. I think I’m ready to go now, if we stay too long Leia might try and come down to see whose car is in the driveway.” 

As always Ben changed the subject.

“Shouldn’t I be meeting her soon anyway?”

Ben laughed, a sharp sound still tense from allowing Brendol into his private space, but he did visually relax. 

“Not yet, I’ve never really brought anyone home to meet my parents since high school. It would stand out if I started now.”

Brendol took a step closer; now that he was loosening up he reached out and rubbed Ben’s shoulder to let him know it was okay. 

“Thank you for doing this for me.”

It was the first time he really meant it, getting closer to Ben made him realise how much Ben had offered up when he said that he was willing to marry him. 

“It’s no big deal, like I said I don’t really have anyone lined up. Might as well help you.” 

Ben paused and then turned towards him, slipping an arm around his waist. It was the same familiar feeling they had been building up over the last two weeks, that didn’t stop him from tensing slightly. It reminded him of the week before, when the hands had drifted lower and picked him up.

Brendol had never been one for casual touch, but Ben was. It meant he was feeling off balance. 

Brendol wasn’t sure when it started but with his expressive face he had started to be able to read Ben’s needs. Their plans to go out to dinner would have to be canceled. 

“Why don’t we go home, we can order in tonight instead. I will pay on my credit card, it’s almost as good.”

Ben’s lip pulled up on the side.

“We can take pictures.”

Brendol let out an audible groan. It was his least favourite part of this farce. The dozens of pictures of him with messy hair, and in various states of casual clothing all splattered over the internet. 

He was only glad that Phasma had yet to see any of them, he could guess the type of comments he would get from her then.

Ben looked cheered up by his discomfort and their fingers linked together as they returned to his car. The duffle bag that had been flung over Ben’s other shoulder was put in the trunk and they let go again as they got in. 

He was looking at Ben’s arms as he settled into the front seat. The stitches look strained on his poor shirt, and Brendol felt like he should have changed out of it sooner. The shirt would be a loss, he was pretty sure it was ruined the second that it was on Ben. A part of him liked it, seeing Ben in his clothing. It was beyond attractive.

Brendol looked up to Ben’s face. He was watching him through his hair; the scar was hardly noticeable in the dark. He could appreciate a good looking man and he thought maybe it wasn’t the worst to pretend to be married to Ben, as long as Ben kept his mouth shut and stopped taunting him. 

“We should kiss.”

Ben’s eyes widened and his expressive face showed just how stunned he was. 

Brendol continued when Ben didn’t say anything.

“The only time we tried was in front of Phasma and we need to look more natural.”

“Natural in case we need to make out in public?”

“We are supposed to be in love, better to be prepared.”

“Alright.”

Ben sounded wary and Brendol couldn’t blame him, he was just doing it to be a good friend, it probably felt awkward to have to keep crossing lines they wouldn’t normally as friends. Brendol still felt though that if they had to do it no matter what, it might as well be when he was feeling the mood. 

Brendol unbuckled again and leaned over his seat. Ben tensed and pulled back, but he let Brendol finish the movement. 

His lips tensed at first but after a moment Ben started to move against him, soft pecks and gentle nibbles on his bottom lip. Neither of them yet opened their mouths, only the hint of tongue as Ben licked out. 

Since they were still in the car he put his hand on one of the arms he had been looking at to stabilize himself as he moved in closer. Brendol could feel that it was almost all muscle; he really must have worked on it. He doubted that was part of the muscle he needed to work because of his injury but Brendol personally appreciated it.

There was a pause again before Ben put a hand on his waist. It spread out on his side and then tightened to hold him closer.

The kiss slowly began to deepen, Ben opening his mouth and letting him in. It happened slowly and they managed to avoid too much awkwardness as their tongues slid over each other. 

Brendol could feel his lip swelling from the attention Ben would give it between kisses. He was choking back noises as his hand rubbed over Ben’s pec.

He was starting to really get into it, get used to the feeling of Ben when there was a loud knock ringing through the car. Brendol jerked back in his seat and looked around to see where it came from. 

There was an older women looking in at the two of them and he could feel the tension back in Ben’s arm. This must be the mother, the one who would make it possible for him to stay in the country. 

This wasn’t how he wanted to meet her, with his tongue in her son’s mouth.

Ben swore under his breath and opened the door. 

“Hey Leia, I was just dropping by to pick up a few things.”

“Why don’t you and your friend join us for dinner?”

She was obviously trying to get a look at Brendol in the car. 

As much as he really didn’t want to meet her like this he still remembered his manners and got out. He made sure they made eye contact and she acknowledged him before he spoke. 

“Hello ma’am, I’m Brendol Hux.”

“I’m Benny’s mom, Leia.”

He walked around the car and offered his hand. Her tiny hand gave one hell of a hard shake and he could see that Ben was shifting uncomfortably, obviously not ready for them to meet. 

Brendol figured he could be friendly until they left, and Ben saved him from having to turn her down.

“How about another time? We got to get home so Bren can walk his giant cat.”

He was sure Ben was calling him the nickname here because he knew that it would look bad if Brendol corrected him. Not only that but another jab about Millie because he knew how much it drove Brendol crazy.

Last week to spite Ben the he had commissioned a shop near his house to get a painting done of her. Once it was finished Brendol planned to put it in the living room so that one day Ben would have to come in and see her sitting above his fireplace. It was going to stay there all throughout their marriage. That way Ben would have to see it every morning.

“There is more than enough for you two now.”

Ben gave him a gentle push in the direction of the driver’s seat. 

“Another time, we’ll let you know.”

“It was nice to meet you Leia.” 

Brendol got out as Ben gave him another shove. He shot him a glare for being so rude and then smiled one last time at his mother before getting in the car. 

He supposed it went as well as anything did when Ben was included. 

“Benny, that’s cute.”

“Don’t you dare start fucking calling me that.”

“Sure thing Benny.”

The car roared to life and cut off Ben’s responding curses.


	11. Chapter 11

Brendol woke slowly, basking in the weight of the blankets and the slight chill in the air. If he could he would never move past this in the morning. He started to slowly stretch until he felt the body next to him. It only added to the feeling of a cocoon of warmth.

Ben had rolled onto his side again, and when he brushed him Ben moved closer.

He was quickly learning what type of person Ben was to share a bed with. After Ben had moved most of his belongings into Brendol’s apartment, they had decided it would be better to share his bed. That way if it came to an interview, they could be natural when responding to who slept on which side and if either of them snored. It also made his room look like it was realistically shared.

With Ben taking the other side of the bed there was also a trail of items that came with it. Brendol had accepted that he needed a night table for Ben as well after a stack of books and pens started to pile up beside the bed.

The room had a generous closet so there was no problem there, but now there were touches of Ben everywhere.

And after a month of pretending to be together, Brendol hated that he loved it.

It had taken a while to realise his feeling, they had been spending their morning together and Ben was teasing him about the painting of Millie. Ben had picked her up and made up a ridiculous voice for her and mocked him with it. Instead of being furious, a laugh had been surprised out of him and that was the moment it hit him that he actually liked Ben.

He didn’t even mind when Ben crowding him in the bed and started to snuggle up to his side as he was at that moment.

Brendol didn’t really know when it started and he was slightly disgusted in himself for letting it go so far, but he was decidedly weak to Ben. He was weak to him in his stupid V-necks, making breakfast for the both of them, and giving him those dopy smiles when Brendol thanked him. He was weak to the stupid amount of books that seemed to travel with Ben, both sketch and text and how intent Ben looked when he was reading. He was also weak to the sight of Ben when he finished working out, his muscles tense and his shirt stuck to his body with sweat.

He also hated that every time they kissed to make sure that it stayed natural, he would be thinking about Ben all night and how good it felt to be so close to him. Often he would have to get up in frustration and sneak off to the bathroom. He was starting to feel guilty in his own house.

That was the worst part; that it was no longer just lust for the way he looked, there was also stupid warmth in Brendol’s chest when he looked at his scarred face and his giant nose.

The only thing that saved him was that he could ignore it, repress it until he could pretend that nothing had changed between them.

Ben moved even closer and Brendol could smell that he had used his hair products again, and he allowed it because he was weak.

Ben only wore his boxer briefs and a muscle shirt to sleep; it was the most skin he allowed, outside of time they had spent in the pool. Brendol would have to be blind to miss how self-conscious he was about his scars, but it wasn’t his job to fix it so he politely ignored the moments when Ben’s expressive face showed his self-doubt.

When Ben snuggled in close Brendol could sometimes feel the one on his arm, or the one on his side that was normally hidden under clothing. It felt knotted and too soft, the skin trying to rebuild whatever was missing. He would rest his hand on the scars, feeling them absently while Ben slept. Ben had never opened up about the ‘incident’ and Brendol was losing his nerve to ask him about something that he knew would hurt Ben.

His spiral down a path he did not want to go was cut off as Ben snorted and slowly sat up in bed. He was always quick to get up, probably left over from his time in the army.

“I’m on your side.”

It was a sleepy statement, but he already sounded more awake than Brendol felt.

“I noticed.”

Brendol let Ben hear annoyance and nothing else of what he had been thinking. Brendol had always been good at turning off his feelings to do what was needed, and he needed every bit of that talent as he looked at Ben with his mess of black hair and his lips relaxed. His bottom lip always puffed out like he was pouting.

 _Ridiculous_. Brendol thought with no venom at all.

Ben looked at the clock and rolled his shoulders. They had a few hours before work.

“I’m going to have a shower.”

The statement was one that was dangerously domestic; it was a warning in case he needed something from the bathroom.

“Go ahead.”

He could feel the weight of Ben moving off the bed and he appreciated the view of his backside as he crossed the room to the on suite bathroom.

Brendol groaned in disgust at himself and rolled over in the blankets.

He was almost asleep with the sound of the shower running when he heard the annoying sound of gunshots. By now he knew it was the sound of Ben receiving a text.

There was a moment of temptation before it won over and he opened it.

_Death ray : Are you ever going to come home? If you don’t I’m going to take over the basement._  
_4:32 pm_

Brendol almost didn’t respond, but it was going to be obvious that he had looked at the text.

_Ben’s in the shower, and no he’s not. I am keeping him._  
_4:33 pm_

Since the conversation was already open he kept looking through it. It was the same Ben he knew, teasing the person who Brendol assumed was his cousin Rey. His stomach felt tight and uncomfortable as it reminded him that nothing between them was really real. Ben treated everyone the same way.

Again and again she brought up that she was worried that Brendol was using him to stay in the country and each time Ben defended him even though it was the truth. He smiled as he read how Ben talked about him.

His heart did a little flop when he read Ben telling her that he loved him. He had to remind himself that Ben hadn’t meant it.

Next he exited the conversation and looked through the other ones, maybe only twenty in total, all of them with odd names. The only one he could figure out was ‘Creator’ for his mother.

Now that he was already invading Ben’s privacy he thought nothing of looking at the last few texts, more of them were asking him if he was going to be home for dinner and then an invitation to some charity event. There was a two day pause between that and the last text, one telling him he could bring his new boyfriend.

Brendol didn’t even pause before he responded on Bens behalf writing out that they would love to. The date was still a few weeks away; in the meanwhile he could convince Ben it was a good idea. After all they did have to pretend to be together, and Brendol wanted to see him in a suit before their wedding.

After that he decided to look over their own conversations, sure that Ben hadn’t mentioned it to him. He read through the contacts and none of them made sense as referring to him, finally realised that ‘No ass no soul’ was Ben’s name for him in the phone.

He frowned when he saw that, but he still opened it. The background was a picture of Millicent, looking plump and proud.

“What the fuck Bren. Holy shit. This…”

Brendol jerked up guiltily before he realised that Ben was still in the bathroom. He left the phone and slipped out of bed. The door was opened slightly and he opened it the rest of the way.

He paused in shock, his mind slowly grinding to a halt as he took in the sight in front of him.

Ben standing completely nude holding Hux’s wet cat out at arm’s length. She looked utterly pleased with herself as she dripped on the floor and Brendol had a hard time keeping his eyes away from Ben’s nude body.

He had seen hints of it, in the swimsuit, in the tighter shirts he wore, or when he was in his sleep clothing, but this was different. He wasn’t moving and Brendol could every inch of his body exposed, his pecs were large and led down to well defined abs. He tried not to look lower, but his eyes followed the droplets running down his body, and even with his attempts he took in the sight of his half hard cock. It was the type of cock that he normally wished for his one night stands, big enough to ache.

His skin felt too tight and he knew his cheek and neck was flushed at the sight. It didn’t help that the thoughts from that morning returned but with a clearer picture in his mind that took a slightly less domestic turn.

Ben moved her down in front of him, trying to hide behind his own arms and the cat, his cheeks also turning pink. Nude, Brendol could see that the colour traveled down onto his chest. He had never wanted to suck the water off someone more than that moment. 

Brendol swallowed loudly and grabbed a towel from under the sink. He held it out and took his wet cat, cradling her in his arms like a giant baby. She chirped at him as if she hadn’t just been bad. He kept his eyes firmly on her and he left the room.

“Very naughty Millie, you are getting me all wet now.”

Hux had only found out about her breeds taste for water after she started to try and join him each time he was showering or washing his hands. After that he was careful to always make sure she was out of the room.

It had slipped his mind to tell Ben, after all it had been a month of the man almost living at his house and it had never happened before.

Brendol took her to the window and sat at the small table he had there. Once seated he started using the towel to fully dry her.

“Very naughty.”

He repeated; the sight of Ben burned into his memory.


	12. Chapter 12

Things had been awkward since Brendol had walked in on him naked, he wasn’t sure why but he could feel the change. Maybe it was the scarring, but Brendol often averted his eyes when they were talking, but it had been what he needed, a reminder that Brendol would never want him. 

It had been a little easier to distance himself from the situation after that. Even when they got tested together he had refrained from using it as an excuse to hold Brendol’s hand. 

It was different today through. Even though he had been furious that Brendol had accepted his mother’s invitation without consulting him he had finally agreed that it was a good idea to go. Dread had sat in his stomach for those two weeks, until it was finally the day. He had a few suits from when his mother had dragged him and Poe to this type of thing in the past. 

It was part of why he didn’t want to go; it was a reminder of the past. A past he just wanted to move on from. 

Ben had let Brendol pick out which suit he should wear and after a shower he had thrown it on he waited impatiently near the door. Brendol took much longer, but he looked good in a three piece suit. There was obviously some sort of padding going on because he knew that Brendol was neither that thick nor his shoulders that wide. He looked terribly commanding in it and Ben was reminded of all those feeling he had been trying to ignore. 

He wanted to wrap his arms around him and feel his thin body underneath, but they would have to wait until they were in public. 

He was at the door when he felt a tug on his hair. 

“We should do something about this.”

“What’s wrong with my hair.”

“Nothing if we were going to a rock concert, but as we are not, we should try and tame it.”

Ben was about to argue when he realised that Brendol was saying 'we'. If that meant that Brendol was going to drag his fingers through his hair it would be worth it. 

“Fine but you have to do it.”

“That’s alright I used to help my mother with her day to day hair, I think I can manage your mess.”

He allowed himself to make a questioning face at the statement, he couldn’t imagine Brendol doing someone’s hair in anything but a gelled down helmet. 

“No product.”

“A little mousse.” 

“A little.”

Brendol nodded and left the room. Ben took the time to take off his suit jacket and sit down in front of the couch. Brendol returned with a little spray bottle and one that he assumed was the mousse.

His jacket was also off, and his sleeves carefully rolled up to showcase his bare arms.

“Good you’re already down.”

In almost no time his hair was being sprayed and lean fingers were making work of his normal mess. 

“Your reds almost all washed out.”

Brendol sounded surprised as if he hadn’t noticed. 

“I normally redo it every month.”

“I like it like this.”

Brendol dug his fingers through his hair again and he felt a shiver down his spine. He did it one more time before he started carefully braiding over the top of his head. Ben was almost sure it would look terrible but he was willing to allow it to feel Brendol’s fingers in his hair. 

The braiding was soothing, and he quickly realised that it was more than just one. Hux did a few over his head. Each time in between dragging his fingers through his hair until he found himself digging the heel of his palm into his crotch. 

It always felt so right at moments like this. 

He was sure he imaged the feel of Brendol’s lips against the back of his head as it finished. 

“Alright, there you go.”

Ben stood up and walked to a mirror, prepared to take it out. Instead it was actually impressed. The braids only ran over the top of his hair and kept most of it up and out of the way, the rest of his hair and been moussed and wetted so now it hung in waves. It looked surprisingly good, or it would have if the scar on his face didn’t stand out so much with his hair pulled back.

“Thank you.”

Ben turned away from the mirror and grabbed his suit jacket and pulling it on.

“You look good.”

Brendol’s voice was soft and they said nothing further until they arrived. Both of their names were on the list and they found their table quickly. 

Leia was already there and he froze when he saw her date. Of course it would be Poe, he helped out with one of her charities and as much as he hated it she treated him like another son. When he had stopped going with her she often took Poe and he hadn’t realised that it was still happening. 

He was still standing still when he felt a tug on his hand. 

“Ben, why don’t you introduce us.”

There was a small quark in between his eyebrows and Ben was only thankful that Brendol looked so good that night. It made him feel a little better being stuck at a table with his mother and his ex. 

“This is Poe Dameron, he took over my father’s airfield when he passed, and you’ve already met my mother Leia Organa.”

Brendol had perfect manners for someone who could be an asshole, taking their hands and giving words of interest about each as he smiled appropriately at them. 

Ben was having a harder time paying attention, it had been a long time since he had tried being in a room like this, voices everywhere and people brushing up against him as they tried to get past. 

He felt like he was choking on the world around him and he scooted over so that he could turn his back towards the table to try and find a comfortable place to stand in such a full room. 

“Leia didn’t mention that Ben was seeing someone so handsome.”

Poe was giving Brendol the same smoky eyes he had used many times before. It was just natural for Poe to flirt, but with the lack of real commitment he found himself jealous. Ben couldn’t flirt with Brendol. Not truly, and here Poe got to do it in front of his face. He felt a flare of unjustified anger.

Brendol moved to stand beside him all while keeping up a smile that looked like he planned to eat Poe alive. 

“And Ben sure never mentioned you before.”

Poe’s face showed the surprise he must have felt at the fact that Ben hadn’t mentioned him. He may have been but Ben was having a hard time concentrating on the room. Every time someone brushed by it felt like they were violating him just by being so close. 

It had been a while since Ben felt like this, since he struggled, but he had avoided dinners like this since he returned, he hadn’t realised how it would be. 

Ben tried to ground himself, taking deep breaths to try and dull out the panic and remind himself he was here and that he was safe. He was mumbling out the address to himself, until he knew that he had to get out of there. 

He started carefully inching away, closing his eyes every time he was jostled. His chest feeling tighter and tighter.

Then there was an arm around him and he jerked. It was starting to be all too much the people everywhere the noise and the eyes he could feel on him. He grabbed at the person and brought his elbow up to bring it back into their face. 

Ben’s heart was hammering in his chest as he looked back at Rey’s wide eyes as she stayed ducked down under where the blow should have landed. 

“Ben are you okay?”

He looked at his cousin and tried to use her face to keep the room from spinning.

The guilt was second to the need to get out of the room and after managing to blurt out a quick apology he had bolted to the bathroom. He would regret it later, as he had many times before. 

In the bathroom there was a break in the crowd and Ben brushed past the attendant and turned the tap on full. He threw water in his face to try and bring himself back and then grabbed a soft towel to dry off with before moving to one of the three empty stalls around the corner. With the door shut and the cold tiles under his hands he started to work through the feelings like he had been taught so many times.

It was safe here, he was home, and there was no need to worry.

Ben repeated it while dragging slow breaths through his teeth, every muscle in his body tense. 

He pressed his forehead again the wall and started to feel the pounding in his chest slowing and the breaths coming a little easier. 

His cheeks felt hot from humiliation, that after all this time he was back to hiding in the bathroom. Poe would see him as the same person he had walked out on and Brendol would see just what Poe had seen back then. That he wasn’t stable enough yet. That he wasn’t safe to be with. 

“Ben?”

It was Brendol’s voice, the usual sneer that added a lilt to his voice was missing. It would be worse to pretend he wasn’t in there so he replied. 

“Yes?”

His voice sounded upset and he bit his tongue, the pain grounding him further in the moment. 

“Can I come in?”

After thinking about how it would look as they talked through the door to the attendant he opened it and quickly Brendol slipped in. 

He stayed by the other wall even as he shut the door.

“Is there anything I can do? Do you need to be alone, or do you need help grounding?”

Clenching his teeth he hated that Brendol was asking that. His mother had probably explained what had happened as if he was her burden, or her responsibility to tell people why he was acting out. 

As much as he had hated everyone else getting in his personal space it felt a little different with Brendol, he wasn’t dangerous. He reminded him where he was. 

“Kiss me?”

Brendol didn’t ask again, he crossed the space and slowly put his hands on Ben’s shoulders, letting him watch the movement. Then he brought his lips up and kissed him. 

It quickly changed as he felt the touch of his tongue and opened his mouth, allowing Brendol to take control. As much as it was an excuse to touch Brendol, it really did help ground him. The warm kisses were new and sometimes still clumsy as Brendol knocked his teeth against his own. There was a nip on the tip of his tongue and he groaned into the kiss before he remembered where they were. 

Ben was the one to turn his head, but Brendol stayed close, holding onto his shoulder a little too tight so that it bordered on painful. It helped.

“I think we should go home. We can order in. Do you need another moment?”

The suggestion was gentle, and Ben knew he had to take it.

“A little longer.”

Brendol hummed and stayed against his chest, tucking his chin onto Ben’s shoulder and staying as a steady form against him.


	13. Chapter 13

It took a while before Ben lost the glassy look in his eyes and Brendol felt safe bringing him through the crowd again. Rey had been waiting outside the door and had offered to let Leia know if she could come over. She was all big eyes and concern even after what had happened and Brendol was glad that Ben had someone like that in his life.

Ben had nodded that it was okay, although he kept his shoulders pulled tight. In the end Brendol could only listen to what Ben was saying rather than his own concerns, so as she hurried off he had led Ben through the room and gave their ticket to the valet. 

Even though Rey was in a beautiful green dress and her hair was carefully styled she still left without dinner and insisted that the two of them ride in the back while Brendol drove.

When he peeked in his review mirror he could see that Ben was starting to relax and she even managed to make him let out one of his awkward laughs were it sounded like he was actually saying ‘hahaha’.

This wasn’t the first time he had seen someone react like that, his father had often had what his mother called ‘episodes’ when he was young. He should have noticed the look on Ben’s face. 

On the way up Ben was still avoiding looking at him, as if he was ashamed. Brendol remembered from the therapist who he had seen with his mother. It was important for Ben to know that he was welcome and that it did not make him feel less of him. 

Maybe it was just an excuse to take his hand. 

He’d never actually spent any time with Rey, other than buying coffee from her, but she more than made herself welcome. She first demanded something comfortable to wear and then ordered takeout for the three of them without even asking what they wanted. 

Brendol’s hips were thinner than Ben’s so she ended up in his track pants which she rolled up around her knees and two of his t-shirts layered over each other to make up for the fact that she didn’t have a bra. 

She’d left her dress crumpled on the spare room floor.

He changed himself into something similar while Ben was in the shower, and was startled when she walked in on him without announcing herself. 

“Thank you for what you did for Ben. He’d not like that often anymore.” 

Brendol could almost feel her preparing to defend her cousin, both wanting him to not hold it against Ben and to let him know that if he did she thought he was an asshole. 

“It’s nothing, I understand how it can be, my father struggled with it as well.” 

It was a weak reassurance, but it was enough that she gave him a smile that reminded him of the sun. Her whole face lit up and her eyes squinted. Rey stayed there and he could tell she wanted to say more. He pulled on his shirt while he waited. 

“I don’t know how much he’s told you, but it took a long time to get where he is. Just don’t push and he’ll open up, okay?”

It was actual advice on how to date Ben and then he knew he had won her over. 

She licked her lips and continued.

“Sometimes he’s emotional after something like this. It’s just important he knows he has people there for him.”

He tried to put on his customer service face, and he gave a nod, hoping that it looked friendly. That was part of why he liked Ben, he understood that angry was just the look that Brendol’s face naturally settled into. Brendol was saved from having to continue the conversation by his cat, who was not impressed at being ignored. 

He heard the hushed, ‘Oh my god’ before Rey scooped her up. Millie looked giant in her arms, hardly able to be held, but any attention was good attention to her. Brendol would scold Millie for being spoiled but he knew just who had spoiled her.

Ben come out of their on-suite at almost the same time, wrapped in a robe and Rey shot him a wink. 

“I’ll leave you two alone.”

She took Millicent with her, and left him with a decidedly uncomfortable looking Ben. 

“I’m sorry about today, I know you didn’t sign up for that. I guess I kind of ruined your night.”

He made a show of rolling his eyes and he crossed the room so that he was standing in front of Ben. He telegraphed his movements as he fixed the neck on the robe. 

“You are the one doing a favour for me, I should not have accepted without talking to you first.”

Brendol knew that the kiss was only to help Ben ground himself in the moment, but he wanted to kiss him again. He wished the Rey was still in the room just so that he could. 

Ben avoided his eyes at that, his expressive face looking both sad and reluctant. 

His hands still on the robe, Brendol decided to screw it and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Even though Ben had shaved that morning it felt a little scratchy against his lips. 

“You did nothing that is not was understandable.”

“I should apologize to Rey.”

“Again?”

Ben shrugged his shoulders and Brendol gave one more tug at the robe so that it gapped open in the front. His chest really was a thing of beauty, no amount of scarring would deter Brendol from his pecs. His hands itched with the need to feel them in his hands.

“I would have hit her if she didn’t duck, I should have realised how I was feeling and left sooner.”

Brendol could see the kind of watery looks to Ben’s eyes, and how he was starting to look a little unfocused. He didn’t really understand the history of what he was feeling, but Brendol wasn’t really comfortable with so many emotions either. He just wanted to make Ben feel better. Instead he opted for distraction. 

“You didn’t though. It’s okay, now let’s go watch whatever awful thing she puts on.” 

It seems to work and he could see Ben take a deep breath of air. 

“Yeah.”

“Get dressed.”

Brendol knew he should give him privacy, but he stayed in the room and pretended not to watch as Ben changed. He just wanted one peek. Ben tried to hide his body as he did it, turning his back to him, painfully self-conscious, but Brendol saw his strong back. It was hard to believe someone with a body like him could find fault in it. The tattoo spread over part of his back, but mostly stuck to where the scars were, other than the one that spiked over his ass. 

Brendol realised he was staring when Ben pulled on a pair of sweatpants and he looked out the window while he finished up. 

He could see when he pulled his shirt on in the corner of his eye and he reached out a hand to Ben so they could walk into the other room together. 

Ben’s large hand felt good in his own no matter how many times they touched. Brendol rubbed his thumb over the back of Ben’s hand. He hoped that it would steady him, but he also wanted the touch for himself. 

Rey already had the TV on some sci-fi series, and was sitting at one end of his couch with Millicent trapped in her lap. Not that Millicent was trying to get away, not with how Rey’s hand was digging into her fur.

He let Ben sit first and then seated himself snuggled between his legs with his head leaned against Ben’s chest. Ben didn’t even hesitate before he wrapped his arms around Brendol’s waist. 

Brendol was glad Rey was there because it allowed them to act like this. 

Ben’s arms felt so strong around him, the weight felt comforting and the warmth of his body was addictively relaxing. Half way through the episode he turned in Ben’s arms and started pressing soft kisses to his lips. He allowed himself to bring a hand up to rest on his pec. Feeling it through the thin shirt he had slipped on.

Rey cleared her throat.

“I guess you two are used to being alone.”

Rey’s comment went ignored. It was rude, and also much more public than he wanted, but it also let Brendol have a bit more of Ben. After the stress of the night he wanted to feel how steady his body felt under him.

He could feel Ben’s crotch pressing against him and he hummed softly into the kiss. It made him think about when he walked in on him, and how he would feel against Brendol when he was fully hard. He let himself get lost in the feeling and the thoughts. Ben seemed to be doing the same thing, his hands shifting down to his lower back until his thumbs hooked into the back of his pants and his big hand cupped his ass.

The buzzer rang and Rey ran to the door to answer it, probably just happy for the excuse to get away. After talking to the person, she called out that the food was there. 

That finally made Brendol pull away regretfully. 

“I’ll pay.” 

He offered for the lack in manners they had shown in front of the young women. It took a few seconds to pull himself out of Ben’s arms, and he noticed Ben was avoiding his eyes again.

She beamed at that and he had to rush into his bedroom to tug his wallet out of his pants. Brendol flipped through it and pulled out a hundred before throwing it back down on his pants to take care of later. 

He gave Rey the money obviously intending for her to pick up the food from the main floor. 

She rolled her eyes. 

“Aright I get the hint, but I’ll be back in only a few minutes so don’t start anything you can’t stop in that time.” 

The problem was that he really wanted to but there was no way he could in the pretense of their relationship. Instead he had to settle for fitting himself back into Ben’s arms and pretending that Ben really wanted to hold him. Maybe with how Ben was feeling at the moment he did. 

Brendol felt frustrated, if it had been anyone else he would have had a fling and got it out of his system. With Ben there was no release, only wanting and touching and then pretending that wasn’t attached. He’d never been that comfortable with feelings, he preferred to keep relationships clean, purely to sex, but with Ben it didn’t even feel that bad. He just wanted to be around him. 

That didn’t stop him from making plans for Rey to spend the night so that he would have another morning of pretending to be with Ben.


	14. Chapter 14

Brendol woke up to Ben snuggled up to his back, he could feel him trembling and he let out small whimpers. Brendol rolled over and slipped his arms around him, pressing a kiss on his forehead and mumbling reassuring words. Touch always seemed to help and the sounds started to taper off. Ben’d been having nightmares lately and he wondered if it was due to the stress. Ben was going to have to lie to his entire family about Brendol that night when he proposed in front of them. 

He had come to understand from the times Rey was over that Ben didn’t always have a good relationship with his family. It was only since he returned that they had become as close as they were now. When Ben had offered he didn’t realise how big of a kindness he was doing him. He didn’t fully understand the scope of what they were getting into. 

Sometimes he wondered what kind of person he was that he put Ben in that situation and that he was allowing it to continue.

It was harder now that he had accepted that he had feelings for Ben. The last few weeks he had been really eye opening. He was still conflicted about it. Only a few months ago he had been working at First Order and now he spent his nights on the phone with people complaining about the most basic of problems. Yet it didn’t even feel awful, when he got frustrated he could turn his seat to Ben and complain between calls. 

Brendol knew that if he wasn’t with Ben he would have hated his life, and yet he was content in his failure. 

He could feel Ben’s morning wood pressing against him. It wasn’t the first time, they had been sharing a bed for over a month, but it always left his stomach in knots. He wanted to feel all of that inside him. 

He brushed a few sloppy curls off Ben’s forehead and groaned to himself. Brendol was torn, he both wanted to be able to pretend to be with Ben, and yet he was tired of pretending. 

Brendol looked over at the clock. It was already five pm, they had slept in. 

Brendol traced the scar across Ben’s face, and then dragged himself out of bed. If he stayed in bed much longer he would do something that he couldn’t take back. 

Not wanting to leave Ben to his nightmares, he called out behind him.

“Ben, wake up, we have to be at your mother’s house in an hour.” 

Ben groaned and pulled the blankets over his head, but it left Brendol feeling safe enough to leave the room.

Brendol took the on suite bathroom and turned on the shower as he stripped out of his pajamas so that the water would be at the right temperature for him. 

He tested it again and paused before stepping in. He was going to have to spend the night with Ben’s arms around him; he was going to have to take the edge off. 

It was becoming a daily thing, sometimes more. He was sure he hadn’t jerked off this much since high school as he opened the second drawer and took out his silicone based lubricant. There was no shame as he stepped under the water and let it warm his body. 

Brendol waited for a while, bringing up the image of Ben, and how his body felt. His hard pecs under Brendol’s hands, his soft lips trailing down his jaw, the feeling of Ben’s hands cupping his ass. They had kissed enough that he could think of Ben’s taste and the feeling of his tongue against his own. 

Those were the thoughts he wrapped around himself as a squeezed a very liberal amount of lubricant onto his hand. He moved it so it coated his palm and then added a little more. After setting the bottle down he coated two fingers as well, before running a hand over his hip and behind him. Sometimes he pretended it was Ben that was fingering around his hole, that was carefully pushing a finger inside him. 

Brendol groaned as he relaxed into the feeling, his other hand slipping around his cock and starting with a few slow tugs as he fingered himself open. He put a leg up on the edge of the tub to get a better angle and allowed himself to lean against the wall. 

It was Ben’s fingers he was thinking about as he added the second one and it was the feeling of Ben’s morning wood pressed against his back that he was moaning to as he rubbed over his prostate. 

He thought of Ben’s tongue in his mouth and how it would feel as he ate him out. It was the last thought he had as he spilled into the water. He was left panting and feeling empty, because in the end it wasn’t Ben. It was just him alone under warm water.

The warmth of the water even seemed dulled; it wasn’t the same warmth of when he was snuggled into Ben’s arms. 

He started to wash his hands, and then finished cleaning his hair and scrubbing his body clean. Brendol didn’t have time to worry about the jumble of feeing that he was infected with, he had to get ready and make himself presentable for his dinner with the minister of immigration. 

When he toweled himself dry and combed his hair into place until not one hair stuck out. With enough product it probably wouldn’t even move if there was a wind, and that was just how he wanted it. The more in control he was over his appearance the easier it was to act past any lasting nerves he felt. 

He slipped into his robe and walked into the bedroom to see that Ben was already dressed. Skin tight black jeans and a loose t-shirt that was both faded and worn. 

“That isn’t acceptable. You can’t introduce me to your mother like that.”

Ben looked up and rolled his eyes.

“You’ve already met her.”

“Hardly and you are going to ask me to marry you. Do you think a t-shirt is really what you should wear? I would say no on principle.”

They had long ago decided Ben had to be the one to ask. If he did it might come off as if he was just doing it to stay. Ben asking would make it less suspicious. 

“We both know you aren’t marrying me for my money.”

“Yes, I’m marrying you because I love the dirty socks you leave on my couch.”

Brendol sniped, before walking to the closet. He picked out a few things and Ben either would okay it or not. In the end he kept the jeans but he wore a dress shirt and vest with a soft blazer. It looked almost like a sweater, but at least Ben looked like he put effort into it. 

They had picked out the rings together online, and then they had got Ben to go into the store to buy it. They would have to wear them for a few years so they both wanted to find something they could be happy with. Brendol didn’t want it to look like some frat ring. In the end they settled on simple custom white gold bands with an inlaid ring of black diamonds. When they were married they would add a second thin black ring to sit beside it. 

Brendol had given Ben the cash, and already tried it on. It looked rather good on him. 

His own outfit he changed to match up with Ben’s so that he looked the same mix of clean with a hint of casual. Ben said he just looked uptight, but in the end he wasn’t going to take fashion advice from Ben. 

The car ride over he could tell Ben was jittery, and Brendol politely ignored it when he took a few Ativan. He felt stressed himself. This had to be believable; this was the biggest part in their act so far. 

When he pulled in the driveway Ben looked a little calmer. Brendol unbuckled and got out before he realised that Ben wasn’t following him. He got back in and looked over at him. 

He was chewing on his bottom lip, and Brendol could just tell he wanted to say something. 

“Spit it out.”

“I was engaged before, it’s been a while, but Leia might say something about it. I just don’t want you to be caught off guard if it does come up.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

“What happened?”

Ben’s knee started jiggling as he nervously fidgeted.

“We were engaged for a few years. Then I got discharged. I wasn’t doing well, things got out of control and there was an incident with a gun. I spent a few weeks in the psyche ward and we broke it off. I wasn’t always like I am now.”

He could see Ben was looking at him through a vail of his hair, checking for his reaction. Brendol was good at keeping things off his face; his father had made sure of that. Now he was glad because it just made me wonder what had happened. 

Technically he had to know at least a little of Ben’s time in the military, even if Ben treated it like it was something that happened to someone else. He guessed that Ben had been discharged because of his injuries. He knew how much work it took for Ben to stay in the shape he was. Brendol had also noticed how carefully Ben moved if he didn’t work out for a few days, as if he was in pain. He never really got a great look at the scars, but he could guess that it would be impossible to keep up his duties with what happened to him.

“Anything else I should know?”

He let the other parts lay for now, although he found that he had more questions about what the incident was. When they got back he already planned to check if there was any information on the internet that could fill in the blanks. His mother was a public figure after all. 

“There was a trial when I was discharged. Not about me, but.”

Ben paused, and Brendol knew this was not the time to be asking Ben about all this. It was not a great idea to stir him up before a stressful event and yet here he was. 

“But, if we get interviewed it’s pretty easy to find information on it. If I know Leia, she is going to try everything she can to make sure this isn’t fake. I could tell you, but I’d rather you look it up, just ask me anything you need further than that.”

Ben sighed and then continued again.

“I know I’m supposed to talk about it, but it’s still hard okay?”

He was no longer looking at Brendol, hiding fully behind his hair as his knee shook. Brendol wasn’t sure what he should do about it. So he just sat there silently and put his hand on Ben’s knee. It was covered by Ben’s own hand and the jittery movement stopped. 

They sat that way in silence for a while before Ben gave his hand a tug. 

“We should go in. Before Leia comes out here looking for us.”

Brendol leaned over and pressed a kiss to his jaw. 

“We can put this off if you want.”

Ben let out a shaky laugh, even though he was still looking down at his lap.

“No, might look good. They’ll just think I was nervous once I ask you.”

Brendol felt the regret again of putting Ben through this.

“Let’s get this over with then. We’ll call in sick to work tonight and just have the day in okay?”

Ben gave a nod and he saw a smile grace his lips. Brendol knew he was getting in too deep but he wasn’t sure how he could stop.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter got away from me and became huge, so I am posting it as two even though it's just one.

Ben knew that sooner or later Brendol would have to know everything, but he’s always felt like that was something to worry about later. Except it had quickly come to the point that there was no later left. 

It had put him on edge and he was glad he had taken the Ativan to take the edge of his nerves, it kept him from feeling completely raw.

Part of him was wondering if it was all for nothing, after all Brendol might not want to be around with him when he found out what happened. Either way he still had to keep pretending until it came to that point.

It would be humiliating if he had another broken engagement, but he had survived it before. He was in a better place now, he would survive it again. 

They had held hands to the door, but from there on the night was more relaxed. His mother was working late again, and it was just the two of them and Rey. She had cooked instead of ordering in like Leia had asked her to, so they were having pasta. 

It suited Ben well enough; he honestly did not want to have to purpose in front of them, putting it off gave him a moment of reprieve. He didn’t know he could be convincing when each romantic gesture they shared left an empty feeling in his chest. 

It had been a few months since he had been in this house, he had been living with Brendol and there was no real reason to come back. This no longer felt like home and he realised just how much he had adjusted to being with Brendol. At some point Ben didn’t even care that they could go no further than kisses and touches. He just wanted them to be genuine.

After dinner he had dragged Brendol to the kitchen, he had washed and Brendol had dried. It was always the deal when Rey cooked. She was in the living room watching TV while the two of them finished up.

“Looks like Leia isn’t coming home tonight.”

“We’ll have to try this again I guess.”

Ben bit his lip and slipped an arm around Brendol and pulled him close, that was they could talk privately in case Rey walked in. He ran his hand down his side and rested it on his hip. They were so used to it that there was no awkwardness in the touch. 

He kept his voice low. 

“I was thinking we could just announce it, as an after the fact. Then we don’t have to fake our reactions.” 

Brendol leaned in, his lips just brushing his own. He could feel his breath when he spoke.

“Sure.”

He stayed that close and Ben could feel his heart pounding. 

“Take the rings out of my pocket.”

Brendol’s thin fingers pressed down into his front pocket and he could feel his hand wiggling as he caught the small box. There was a drag against his thigh and it came free. 

Ben took it from him, opening it up and looking at their matching rings tucked in the box. He took out Brendol’s and looked into his eyes as he slid the ring onto his finger. Brendol’s lips opened a touch and then he looked down. He took the other ring out, his hands shaking slightly as he put it on Ben’s finger. They already knew they would fit, but it felt deceptively intimate as they looked down at the matching rings. When he looked back up at Brendol, the other man moved closer and for a second he thought he was going to really kiss him. 

“I knew I couldn’t leave you two alone.”

Rey’s voice piped up from the doorway and Brendol noticeably jumped. 

Before he had time to turn away Ben stole the kiss he had thought was coming, and slipped his arm around his waist. Brendol turned in his arms to look at Rey, but stayed leaning against him.

“Mom just pulled in the driveway, if you can keep it in your pants for a few more minutes.”

She teased with a smile, she seemed amused at how Ben was acting. Though he supposed she had only ever seen him with Poe and that had been years ago. 

“Great.”

He shared a look with Brendol and then spoke again.

“We should actually be going but there is something I want to say to the two of you before we leave.”

She gave him a questioning look, but accepted it. Rey gave a nod before leaving for the living room again. This time they followed her, both of them hand in hand.

Leia was just walking in the door and Ben waved her over. 

“Sorry I’m late Benny, you know how it goes.”

He knew too well. Well enough that he was no longer surprised when she didn’t show up when he asked her too. He’d already been through that disappointment in his childhood, now he kept his expectations low and let disappointment flow off his back.

She was still taking off his shoes when he spoke again.

“I know. Actually there is a reason I wanted to have dinner together tonight.”

He paused for dramatic effect, and to make sure they were both listening. Ben felt much more nervous about this than anything else they had had to fake.

“Oh?”

Leia prompted as she set her briefcase down and walked into the living room.

“Last night I asked Brendol to marry me, and he said yes.”

The nerves helped him put on a giddy smile and Brendol’s hand tightened in his before they shared a quick peck.

“What?”

Rey’s tone was delighted, and she almost threw herself at Ben for a quick hug.

“I didn’t realise you two were so serious.”

Leia’s tone was less so.

Ben broke in to keep Brendol from fumbling over his words.

“I know it’s fast, but I’ve never been so sure about someone before.”

Brendol didn’t seem to need to be saved. 

“We’ve already talked about it, I know that I’ll have to return, but Ben can live in my apartment, and I can come out at least once a month. Ben can also take anytime off visiting me, we both know it will be hard, but worth it.”

He really sold it, Brendol looking at him as if he was the center of his world. He was so much better at faking it than Ben was.

Grudgingly Leia smiled thinly. 

“Well congratulations.”

Ben was used to smiling in the face of her disappointment in him, so he managed to keep his face bright.

“Thank you, we were actually just going on our way. We have to get to work; I’ll tell you more details later.”

The excuse saved him from the awkward conversation and they managed to keep their hand on each other as they made it to the door. Maybe Ben was imagining it, but it felt like Brendol was watching him. 

He was glad when they returned to the safety of Brendol’s car and he could relax. It felt both more stressful than he wanted, and less stressful than he has expected. 

The edge was taken off by the hope in him, maybe it was his imagination but there was warmth between them that he was sure wasn’t there before. Maybe he was getting caught up in this. He wasn’t used to the intimacy that he had to have with Brendol to keep their secret safe. Not with his own feelings muddling him up.

The drive home he watched Brendol’s hands on the wheel, his thin hands stood out against the black leather. Just like his ring stood out against his pale skin. Brendol said they picked them out together, but they had mostly been his choice, Ben liked the thought of wearing the ring that Brendol had picked out. It was like he was a part of Brendol.

He watched him through his hair, thinking about the feeling on those hands in his own or when they touched him. The last time had been one of the times Rey came over. After the first time she started to visit on a regular basis, it was nice. Other than Steve he didn’t really have any friends.

Since he returned she always made an effort to make sure he was included, it was part of why he had started seeing a therapist and had finally gone to a support group. 

Ben remembered how she would come down into the basement after she got out of high school. It had been over four years and the memory still touched him, everyone treated him like he was breakable, that or dangerous, yet tiny Rey would come down and check on him. 

Sometimes they would just watch TV, sometimes she would try to get him to talk, but it didn’t really matter, because what mattered was that she always came back. 

Maybe if she knew what happened and still wanted to be around him, Brendol would too. 

“Ben? Let’s go.” 

It brought him back to the moment and he gave him a tense smile. 

They got out of the car and the ride up was quiet. Brendol seemed relaxed and he felt his hand touching his own. Ben took it and they walked into the apartment together.

Brendol always could read him, knew what he needed. He supposed it was part of cohabitating. 

Once they were locked in for the night he called in sick to work and changed in to his pajamas. 

He heard Brendol doing the same and then he watched him walk into the room with a laptop tucked under his arm. He was wearing the one pair of ratty sweatpants he owned. It was the only thing Ben had seen that he owned that looked like it had actual wear on it. He always pushed them up around his knees so his thin calves were showing. 

“Are you sure you don’t mind me reading about the trial?”

Ben shook his head to indicate it was alright. Honestly he didn’t want it, but he knew it was important. After all if his husband didn’t know about his past, how close could they really be? 

Brendol sat close, his rested his head on Ben’s shoulder. Ben watched him type in his name and then paused when nothing came up.

“It used to be Solo, not Organa.”

Ben offered.

Brendol’s lips pinched as he found an article he started reading it. 

Ben could feel that wet sadness that hung around the edges of his mind when he thought about the past, it used to be anger, but finally he had come to the end of that. Now he ached for the stupid kid he was, and for not stopping what happened. He turned his head so he wouldn’t have to see Brendol’s face while he read it.

Ben knew what it would say; it was the trial to see if he was at fault for the death of his section. Normally it wouldn’t have gotten press, but he was the son of Leia Organa, and Snoke was a hometown hero. He never called Snoke by his rank anymore; he didn’t deserve to be a Sergeant. As he supposed he hadn’t deserve to be a Master Corporal. 

He was the only one who survived when they drove over an AT mine in an unarmoured vehicle, ones which Ben had been tipped off about, ones that he had warned Snoke about. Ben hadn’t talked to anyone else after Snoke laughed it off. He had been so wound around Snoke’s obsession with making them the perfect Section that he hadn’t even occurred to him to press. The only reason he had lived was because he was in the back. 

He had been mostly blown clear other than the shrapnel that had sliced his face and the part that had been imbedded in his side. Ben could vividly remember passing out to the sound of someone screaming. His next memory was when he had woken up on a gurney with his mind numb and foggy with drugs.

Steve had told everything about the abuse they had suffered under Snoke, how loyalty to Snoke had been indoctrinated in their every day. 

In the end things he had hoped to keep secret had come out, Steve had always been braver than him. The month before the explosion Steve had been sent home for medical treatment, a tumour in his lungs. In the end it wasn’t cancerous, but it had saved him. Ben knew Steve had done it to explain why he never took it up with anyone past Snoke. Steve had done it because his loyalty was always to Ben above Snoke, but at the time it had felt like betrayal. 

It had been insidious; in the beginning it seemed normal as if they were being treated no different than anyone else. As it got worse, it became a point of pride and an accepted fact, that they would keep their mouths shut, that they all shared something no one else did. It wasn’t until he started therapy that he realised exactly how much it had affected him.

There were parts of the trial that had been private, but that had been leaked, all the details for everyone to see. It was long ago enough that most people forgot about Ben Solo, but he never forgot about it. 

“Ben.”

Brendol’s voice was soft when he turned to him, he had look that people always got when they found out. Pity.


	16. Chapter 16

“Ben look at me.”

Brendol’s voice was soft and he heard the computer being set down on the floor. 

Ben didn’t want to see his expression. He didn’t want to know what Brendol thought of him, the pity was bad enough. 

A hand touched his cheek and brought his face up, softly cupping his jaw. Not wanting to make a big deal out of how he was feeling he met Brendol’s eyes and gave him a lopsided smirk. 

“Pretty awful I know.”

His tone was light, but there was a tremble in his voice. Partly because of the concern in Brendol’s face, and partly because it was still hard to think about the past. Things had gotten better, but that didn’t stop what had happened from hurting. 

“I’m sorry that that happened to you.”

Ben felt the hand move and wipe at his cheek, he hadn’t even realised that his eyes were wet until he felt it brushed away. 

Brendol moved even closer and for a minute, and it was like before when he thought that he was going to be kissed, except this time it didn’t stop. He closed his eyes when he felt the brush of Brendol’s lip. Then he felt his tongue licking along his bottom lip. It was surprise that made him open his mouth, but as soon as he did Brendol deepened the kiss. It was the echo of a few weeks back when they had kissed in the bathroom. 

It wasn’t a show for anyone, it wasn’t practice, it was just the feeling of Brendol willingly giving himself over. 

Ben knew enough to understand this was an extension of the pity; Brendol seemed to avoid all emotions unless they were related to his cat. 

Ben felt bad enough that he didn’t care. He would take it. 

The memories were pushed back, by the slide of Brendol’s tongue against his own and he sucked on it gently. That only seemed to encourage Brendol and he tilted his head and moved in closer. He could feel his hand moving on his chest, Brendol only became more enthusiastic. 

Ben felt the weight shift over him and then Brendol was in his lap, with his arm wrapping around his neck. Brendol hummed into the kiss and pulled back enough to nip his bottom lip. Even though he still had the lump of unhappiness in his stomach he was quickly warming up to the feeling of the heated kisses and way Brendol rolled his hips in his lap. 

In fact Ben knew he would have to stop it soon, or Brendol would feel how much he was responding to it. They had never gone past kisses, never fully touching each other. Now Brendol was pushing his shirt up around his armpits and running his hands over his bare chest where his tattoos would rest. 

It should stop but Brendol was making the best sounds in the back of his throat, showing his obvious pleasure in what was happening. 

Ben felt self-conscious about the scars that he would feel, he knew the one on his side was knotted, but Brendol didn’t really allow him a second to say anything. He was fully on the offensive and it was making it hard to think. 

Thin fingers stared playing with his nipple, the other squeezing his pec. Brendol rolled his hips down against him and he gasped into the kiss. 

His body was reacting to it, despite knowing this came from pity, and despite knowing that it wouldn’t go further he couldn’t stop from wanting it.

Ben returned the touch, taking the chance to hold him. He rested his hands in the center of his back for the moment. Finally he turned his head to break the kiss, although Brendol didn’t stop his attack, he moved down his jaw and sucking a hickey at the top of his neck.

“It’s just ahh…” 

Ben knew it was obvious, he was already half hard. He regretted his earlier choice, now it just felt like compounded humiliation. 

“Oh, I understand.”

Except Brendol didn’t pull off or move away, instead he tugged Ben’s sweatpants down to reveal him and then slipped his fingers around his cock. Ben opened his mouth, but all he did was gape at the sight of Brendol’s thin fingered circling him.

“This better?”

He swore in response. Ben hadn’t really had many flings, he’d only ever really dated one person other than a few dates he had been on during the short time when they broke up in his early twenties. It felt strange to feel it going so far when it wasn’t real.

Brendol started stroking him in earnest, both his hands tightening around him. He watched as his cock hardened in his hands. 

“Brendol.”

Ben’s voice was hushed; he didn’t really know what to say. He felt dizzy at the feeling and he watched Brendol working him like it was his job. It had been so long since another person touched him like this. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold back long, he just hoped he could last long enough not to embarrass himself further.

“Do you want to do this?”

A pity fuck wasn’t really what he wanted, but he knew this would be the height of their relationship. He as so tired of his own mind and he desperately wanted to be able to feel Brendol at least one time, so he would take it. 

“Yes.”

With that Brendol took his lips again and started shoving his sweatpants down of his hips so that Ben could fully feel his erection. He moved so that he could push it against Ben’s take them both in his hands. It was skin against skin as their shafts rubbed against each other. 

Ben’s own hands finally came up to cup his ass, feeling it bare for the first time under his hands. There wasn’t much there, but there was enough in his palm. He gave it a firm squeeze. He felt his shirt unstick from his armpit so that it hung down on one side. 

It reminded him of being a teenager, rutting on the couch because if they walked up his creaky stairs it would wake his parents up. 

He looked up to see that Brendol was looking at him, eyes roaming his face and then down his chest and to where they were rubbing together. His eyes came back up again and he looked at his lips. 

It was odd, normally people focused on the scars, but Brendol was much more interested in other things. 

Brendol was beautiful as he made little small moans, his hair messed up and his lips open. His light eyelashes seemed to glow in the low light and for the first time Ben noticed a few pale freckles near his ear. Brendol was more into it, just letting himself go without the storm of doubts that Ben was struggling with. He didn’t want to know how he looked.

He knew he was leaking, and he had to look away to try and hold on a little longer. 

“Looks so good, you’re so fucking big.”

Brendol broke through his thoughts and started to speed up. The sloppy wet kisses started again and he gave into it. Ben would never get tired of the feel of Brendol’s tongue against his own. The pitiful moan it pulled from deep in his body spoke to it.

It was overwhelming, and he turned his head away as he came between them. Brendol was mumbling encouragements the whole way through. 

Ben was left gasping, not doing much more than holding onto him. Brendol switched to just himself and continued without a second of pause. It wasn’t long before he could see that he was getting close. Brendol’s pale skin was flushed and his eyes had fluttered closed.

Right before he came he pulled Ben’s shirt up again, and finished over him.

He looked down at the mess on his body, the semen splashed over his dark tattoos and over his pecs. It felt unreal. All the sudden it felt like it was crushing him to look at Brendol’s lips flushed red from kisses. Ben knew he shouldn’t have let it get that far, and in the aftermath of his orgasm regret was filing in. 

He’d had people react like this before; it was how Poe kept pretending nothing was wrong for so long. Now he had allowed it to poison one of his only friendships. 

Ben shouldn’t have let it get this far, he had taken advantage of Brendol. This was like in the bathroom when he had asked for a kiss, but it was so much worse.

The thoughts were choking him and he had to move Brendol off him. As soon as he could get up with shoving Brendol off him, he did. Ben let his shirt fall down and stick to his skin as he rushed to the bathroom. 

“Ben, wait.”

He ignored the words, and closed the door on their bedroom. Ben had enough thought to pick the one on-suite bathroom to clean himself. That way he would have something to wear after. Wiping a cloth didn’t feel like enough and he turned the shower on and climbed in half dressed. 

Ben only stripped when the water felt like it was scalding his skin.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am starting a new job soon, so I am going to try and edit all the chapters I have written and post them, so I only have the last few to work on and I hopefully will be able to still finish in a timely manner :)

Ben could hardly look at him, the night before he had avoided him and when he had tried to talk to him about what happened Ben had gone out for a drive. 

Brendol had thought that when Ben had kissed him back it meant his feelings were reciprocated. It had felt like a weight off his shoulders and he hadn’t thought of anything but tasting Ben.It wasn’t until after and he was listening to Ben’s second shower that he realised how it really was. 

Ben had been hurting and he had taken advantage of him. It wasn’t some romantic moment, it was him getting lost in his own fantasy and preying on someone who had done nothing but help him. He didn’t really blame Ben for avoiding him, but he also knew if they were going to get married in two weeks they needed to start planning the wedding. 

Ben has spent the night in the spare room and left for work before Brendol had even made his own breakfast.

Brendol had stayed home and already planned a few of their wedding details. He’d called in sick again for work again. It wasn’t like it mattered, he would have to quit sooner or later and it wasn’t as if he didn’t have more than enough to live on. Besides working on details always calmed him. 

It also kept his mind from focusing too much on the day before. 

Only when Ben came home did he force himself to talk to him. He stiffened his back and spoke.

“Do you still want to do this?”

Ben’s head jerked up and he looked like a deer in headlights.

“Do what?”

“The wedding.”

His eyes lowered and he gave a nod. It was a nervous gesture, but at least he wasn’t going to leave again.

“Sure.”

“We need to figure out the list, I have found three venues I think would be suitable and I need to know how many people are coming.”

Ben shrugged; he took of his jacket and put it in the closet. He stayed near the door for a few breaths before crossing into the living room. He awkwardly hovered before finally sitting beside him. The last time they had been on the couch Brendol had been reaching down his pants.

“Rey, and I guess she can bring her boyfriend.”

Brendol typed in Rey Skywalker and paused. He had no clue who she was dating. 

“Finn, I don’t know his last name.”

Ben supplied. 

Brendol changed it to Rey Skywalker and guest.

“I guess Leia has to come, and I want Steve to be there.”

He smiled as he added in the name, at the gathering he had brought Ben to, Steve had met Dopheld and they hadn’t really been apart since. At least once a week Dopheld would send out an update on how it was going. If the updates were anything to go by it was going very well.

“Did you know Steve is dating Dopheld?”

Ben actually laughed.

“It would be hard to miss; it’s all he talks about. After group he talks my ear off.”

Brendol was glad to see Ben starting to relax; maybe they could get past this. He made their invites joint. It would embarrass Dopheld, and Steve seemed to be the type to laugh it off. Brendol always enjoyed giving Dopheld a hard time. 

“Who else?”

Ben shrugged.

“That’s all.”

Brendol paused for a moment.

“What about your father?”

The smile on Ben’s face drooped only a little, if he didn’t know Ben’s face so well he wouldn’t have noticed it.

“He’s dead.”

“Alright, I want Phas, Lill, Thanisson, and Dopheld.”

“And your parents?”

Brendol made a face at that. He could imagine what they would say about his choices; Ben would not even be on their list of people that he could date. He didn’t even have a college education. 

“I think it would be better if they found out after the fact, they do know I am dating someone.”

“Alright, so how about I have Rey and Steve standing on my side, and you can pick two to stand up for you.”

Brendol nodded and flipped to another page in the spreadsheet. This one had the seating plans both during the wedding and at the reception. He deleted the large amount of seats he thought he may need for him and then was pleased when he had it all written down. Phasma and Dopheld could stand for him. There was something calming about finishing off a page in the spreadsheet. 

He clicked to a browser and showed Ben the venue that would suit a small wedding like they were planning.

“What about here?”

“Looks nice, you should book it.”

Ben actually sounded interested. 

The seating wasn’t too hard; they would only need one large table wherever they decided to have the reception. 

Ben wanted his mother’s back yard, that way they could sneak out early, but Brendol thought it would be better to rent out a restaurant. 

“I don’t see why we have to spend extra when it would do just as well. You’ve seen the house the yard is even better.”

“And when it rains all over us I’m sure we will be thanking you.”

He said sarcastically.

“We’ll rent a tent.”

“Hardly going to be cheaper if we have to rent a tent and get a caterer.”

“Fine I just want it somewhere I know. Can we just do that or can you not unwind from your idea of a perfect wedding?”

“Unwind?”

Ben’s lip pulled up on the side, just a little hardly noticeable. Ben was purposefully arguing with him and he was taking the bait. Brendol paused and looked at him, it wasn’t anger in Ben’s expression, he was amused. Maybe it was payback for the day before, but it made him feel a little better. If Ben was willing to tease him what he had done might not be unforgiveable.

“Can you actually act like an adult and realise that this event is supposed to mean a lot to us?”

“And what would mean more than having it at my family home?”

He let out a huff of annoyance.

“Fine, I am picking the caterer and photographers.”

“Nothing weird, I want to actually enjoy the meal.”

“I’ll let you look at the menu I pick.”

Ben made a sound of disgust, but now he was actively looking over his shoulder. He rested his chin on his shoulder.

“Are we doing invitations?”

“Of course, we’re not savages. I have a few I thought looked nice.”

Each one was simple and sophisticated, it may be a small wedding but it didn’t want it to be tacky. Brendol brought of the browsers with them. He’d already typed in their names so that they could see what the finished project would look like.

“What the fuck is that A for? Brendol isn’t your first name? What the hell Bren? We are getting married in two weeks and you’ve never told me your first name?”

The barrage of questions made him pause. He thought Ben knew. It wasn’t like he had hid it, he just never actively used it. 

“Armitage, I just prefer to go by my middle name.”

He heard a sputtering laugh and glared at Ben. 

“Your parents must have hated you. Armitage Brendol Hux. To think that Brendol was a better choice.”

Ben managed to get the words out between bouts of laughter. 

“Not everyone can be called Benny.”

“You can call me Benny every day if I can call you Army.”

Ben actually bent over in his seat as he was taken by laughter. Brendol could see the water starting in his eyes.

“I happen to think that my name is hardly something to laugh at.”

He replied primly, straightening up stiffly on the couch. Ben was still choking on laughter as he leaned into his side. His smile pulled at the scar across his face, but to Brendol it was breathtaking. It made him soften to Ben even as he struggled to stop laughing in his face.

“I’m sorry I promise I’ll only use it in private.”

Brendol wished he could kiss that stupid smug look off his face, instead he knew he had to swallow his pride and actually force out an apology. It wasn’t good enough to just pretend the night before hadn’t happened.

“Ben. I must apologise for yesterday, I got carried away. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Ben’s expression darkened and Brendol could only guess it was at the thought of what had happened.

“No, it won’t will it?”


	18. Chapter 18

Brendol watched Millie as curled up on the end on the bed. Her tail wrapped around her body as she looked smugly at him. She liked staying at Phasma’s; she was supposed to stay here for the next week while he was on his honeymoon. He wasn’t even sure he should go. 

He’d already made Ben relive the worst memories of his life, and then he had taken advantage of him. Brendol had never not trusted himself, but he’d never wanted someone like he wanted Ben. So much had happened in only in a few months, what he would do if given years. 

Brendol wasn’t sure he wanted to be so close to Ben for years and do nothing. He couldn’t even take some time away to let his feelings to cool off. He’d thought losing his job was his low, but this was a new low. 

He was already in his suit, he should honestly be on his way, but instead he was hiding in the bedroom looking at his cat. Brendol realised that he loved Ben more than he liked staying in the country. He wanted better for Ben. 

Brendol sat down next to Millie and started to stroke her back. She leaned into it and purred loudly. 

Maybe it was cold feet, but the weight of what they were about to do was hanging on him. 

He couldn’t go through with it. 

Brendol had arrived at that thought a few days ago, they had been trying cakes and he had wiped icing off Ben’s lips with his thumb and he had been frozen by the moment. Instead he had ignored it, pretended nothing was wrong, but he knew that night with Ben tucked against his back that he wasn’t going to be able to keep pretending.

Phasma knocked again, it was the third time in the last half hour.

“Hux if you don’t get your ass out here I am going to take the hinges off the door and drag you to your wedding.”

He ignored it and pulled Millie in to his lap. She made a yawl of complaint, but settled quickly again. 

He knew he had to tell Ben, Brendol already knew he would have to be the one to tell everyone the wedding was off. He wasn’t cold enough to make Ben do that. As it was it would be an embarrassment. The old Brendol would have made Ben struggle with it, but then the old Brendol would have just gone through with it. 

Brendol should have said it sooner, but he was so caught up in the planning. Every day planning their wedding was thoroughly enjoyable. It was something he never wanted to stop. 

Finally he moved Millie off and winced at the orange hair left behind on his suit. He was in the bathroom brushing it off with a towel when he heard a thump in the other room. 

“What the fuck Bren?”

Ben’s voice startled him enough that he looked up.

“Why are you here?”

“Phas took the door off, or do you mean here in her apartment? Because I got a call from Phasma telling me my husband was hiding in her guest room.”

Of course she would. 

Brendol set the towel down and turned to look at Ben. He was in his dress uniform at Brendol’s request, he hadn’t really wanted to, but it was another thing that Ben was willing to do for him. He looked fantastic in his uniform. Rey has insisted on doing his hair and it was pulled back in loose braids. She must have talked him into a little makeup because his scar stood out even less than normal. 

He looks so terribly handsome and Brendol forgot what he was going to say.

“Why are you here instead of preparing to say your vows?” 

Brendol looked out the door and pulled him inside. From there he shut it behind Ben so that anyone listening in would be less likely to hear. He knew his best friend well enough to know she would be standing just outside the guest room door. 

Words were hard to find, but he forced himself to say what he had to.

“Ben. This is a mistake; I shouldn’t have let it go on this so long. I can’t make you do this.”

Furious could be the only discretion for the expression that crossed Ben’s face. 

“Do you have any idea how hard this has been for me? And now you are backing out? No you are not getting cold feet and ruining the months of effort we have put into this.”

Ben dug his fingers into his hair but the braids stopped them from sliding through, instead he just tugged one until it was out of shape. He dropped his hand and clenched it into a fist. 

Brendol sneered; it was at himself, at his foolishness. Ben was right about what they had put into it, but even if he didn’t marry him he should at least tell Ben the truth.

“It’s not cold feet. I.”

He paused, Brendol wasn’t sure he had ever said this before in his life, it felt like jumping off a cliff. He felt dizzy and a little lightheaded.

“I care a great deal about you Ben, I’m not sure I can continue to pretend.”

The anger dropped from Ben’s face and he tilted his head. He could still see tension in his expression, but he wasn’t sure why.

“Of course you do, we’d have to be pretty good friends to have kept this on so long.”

The words seemed to be carefully picked and he watched Ben lick his lips. 

“You know what I am saying. I may love you.”

The anger flashed back onto Ben’s face.

“You asshole.”

He saw Ben’s fist tighten against and he was sure that he was going to be hit. He closed his eyes and jerked back. Instead he felt one of his large hands drag through his hair and pull him forward. Then there were lips on his forehead, then his cheeks and finally to his lips. He could feel the edge of desperation in the kisses that were laid against him, and he relaxed into the tight hold on him. Brendol grasped at Ben in return, wrapping his arms around him and accepting every kiss. His hair would be a mess, but he didn’t care, it felt too good. It was an almost a hysterical feeling admitting the words.

“I adore you, you dense prick.”

Each word Ben punctuated with a kiss, pushing him back until he hit the sink. Ben’s body was pressed against his so that he was pinned in place. 

Ben rested his forehead again his own and they stayed like that. Just standing close to each other, feeling the steady presence. It made him warm to feel Ben returning the need with his own. He ran his hands down his body, trying to feel every inch of him under the uniform. 

He groaned in need, and he ground against Ben to try and get closer, he tilted his head up to lick Ben’s lower lip. Before it could go further there was pounding on the door startling them apart.

“If we don’t leave now you are going to be late for your own wedding. I didn’t put on this damn dress for fun.”

Phasma sounded distinctly annoyed. 

He laughed weakly and hid his face in Ben’s neck.

“Should we tell her it’s off?”

“Off? No way in hell, you’re not leaving me now.”

“I’m willing to fly out here every free day I get. We won’t have to force anything then. That is if you want to continue this.”

“Of course I want to, but none of this flying bullshit. Marry me, and then you can see me every day.”

“You realise if you marry me, you’re going to be stuck with me for a few years.”

Ben laughed, and he felt a hand move up to mess his hair further.

“Anything but that.”


	19. Chapter 19

Ben couldn’t stop smiling; he hadn’t been able to wipe it off his face since Brendol had fumbled out a confession. They were still warm in the moment as they took their vows, it had been hard to get through them, and they had both prematurely kissed. Everyone had laughed as they were told they may now kiss while their lips were locked together. 

The ring felt good on his finger and he couldn’t stop looking at the matching one that was on Brendol. Thing were only new between them, but they now shared the title of husband. It all made him want to be alone with Brendol.

Instead they were stuck at the reception, neither of them able to do more than hold hands. They stopped off at Brendol’s apartment to change but Phasma has driven Brendol, they didn’t have time to do more than watch each other change. Even worse they had a flight directly after. It would be hours before they could actually talk or spend any real amount of time alone. 

So instead they took what they could.

During dinner Brendol started trying to feed Ben, an excuse for them to lean in close. The newness to their confessions made it all feel exciting. He’d held Brendol a hundred times, but this time when he slipped his arm around his waist it made his pulse spike. Brendol’s waist felt like it belonged in his grip. 

Ben wasn’t even that hungry, not while he was riding high on emotion, but he took in each bite slowly, eye contact the entire time. 

He wasn’t sure that eating had ever felt sexual before, but at the moment it did. The way that Brendol’s eyes would flick down to his lips as he took it in, how they would dip to his throat as he swallowed. Sometimes Brendol would lick his lips as he watched, and Ben could only guess at what he was thinking. There was a heat there that was torturing him. 

It was almost as if the other people in the tent didn’t exist and it was just the two of them. The soft music of the orchestra blocking out the other conversations.

There was a few times when he had to look away so that he could fight off the arousal that was trying to make itself known. He would never live down getting an erection in the middle of his reception. Especially not with the photographer capturing every detail. 

It was as if Brendol knew what he was thinking because his smug smirk turned impish. He brought the next bite to Ben’s lips, Ben leaned in and just as he was about to take it Brendol ate it himself. The speed left a little sauce at the corner of his mouth and Ben kissed it away. 

Although a wedding the same day that they started dating might not be the normal progression of a relationship, it did make it feel special. It was meant to be a celebration of their feelings and in a way it was. 

They finished their meal like that, and continued with their slices of cake. Around them people were still eating as they teased each other with icing. 

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into a buffet, I’ve married a savage.”

Brendol teased.

“And I’ve married a snob.”

Ben’s voice was soft, no harshness in his tone. 

“Who thought I would have a wedding with no order to it.”

He tightened his grip around Brendol and he could feel he was almost off his seat. He wished they were alone. 

“Why don’t you forget about all that and dance with me?”

“Our first dance?”

They stood up together, their cake unfinished and Brendol moved into his arms slipping his own around his neck. It wasn’t a proper dance; they only swayed together with their bodies pressed close. 

The small reception felt magical, there was only ten people total, other than the orchestra. The tent was decorated as well as it could be. Each beam was wrapped in blue and purple ribbons so that no metal was showing. The plastic walls of the tent were made to have soft Persian indigo curtains and at each joint there were blue and purple flowers covering it. At the start Brendol had taken a flower and tucked it into his hair, it still was there. Baby’s breath made splashes of white against the dark colours, and it didn’t feel like this was just his mother’s back yard. 

“I can’t wait until we get to the hotel.”

Brendol’s eyes were half closed, and it was said under his breath so no one else would overhear. Ben’s mind was instantly on them being alone. He could finally go further than kisses; finally feel Brendol’s skin against his own. He bit his lip and tried not to think about what Brendol would look like nude. 

He often thought about the freckles on his chest and thighs that he had seen when they went swimming. The need to be able to touch that same skin was haunting him. He knew he should change the subject, but he couldn’t resist.

“Tell me what you are thinking.”

Ben murmured in return, spinning Brendol and feeling how he held on tighter.

“Well we still haven’t discussed what we like sexually. You know, for the interview.”

His skin felt hot at the thought, it didn’t help that Brendol was giving him a look that said he wanted to do more than discuss it. It made sense; they had to talk about it. There would be questions in their interview, just to throw them off. 

“Oh.”

This was not the type of conversation he could have in front of other people. 

“I want you to tell me a little, and maybe show me a little more.”

Brendol’s had an expression of superiority on his face and he moved his hips in way that let him grind again Ben. 

Ben had to look away, his cheeks burning at his own reaction. It had been such a long time that he had adjusted to being alone; it felt overwhelming to know that his feelings were returned. He both loved it and didn’t know how to react. 

Steve and his mother joined them on the small wooden dance floor, and he was glad. It helped him ignore how it felt to have Brendol pressed against him. It was also good to see Leia smiling so much. He didn’t think she would come around to actually enjoying it, but maybe she was changing, or maybe he was. 

Brendol’s hand moved down his over his shoulder and down his arm until their fingers entwined. He could feel the ring on Brendol’s hand.

“I still get my wedding night don’t I?”

“I will give you anything you want.”

“Careful what you say, I’m hard to please.”

Brendol hummed and rested his chin on Ben’s shoulder. The song changed but they didn’t let go. 

Ben never wanted to let go again.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter is really long, so I am cutting it in half so it doesn't stress me out. Don't worry the smut is all finished, it will just be in two parts.

The flight had been torture and Brendol hadn’t even snuck off to the bathroom for five minutes like Ben had. It was as if now that he knew he could have him he wanted him instantly. The feeling followed him from the flight to the lobby where he had let Ben check them in while he ran to the closest drugstore to buy lubricant and condoms. He hoped they wouldn’t need the condoms they had both gotten tested together, but he didn’t really know for sure if Ben hadn’t slept with something on one of his long night rides. 

Ben had been waiting for him in the lobby, their bags already up in the room, and had half dragged him to the elevator, where he had pinned him to the wall to give him heated sloppy kisses. 

It wasn’t the tentative Ben that was trying to walk the boundary or friendship and fake dating, this was a needy Ben who was acting like he planned to consume him. And Brendol wanted to be devoured. He was already half hard when they stumbled out, and he was sure they had given security a hell of a sight. 

Ben was behind him the whole way and when they got to their room he had pinned him to the door with his body for a moment and ground himself against his ass. 

There was a wild drunkenness to them even though they hadn’t had anything to drink since the reception. It was all the wanting over the last few months that was finally getting a release. 

Inside it wasn’t much better. Ben had spun him around and pulled him into another kiss before tucking his hands under Brendol’s ass and picking him up. Brendol had been happy to wrap his legs around Ben’s thick waist as his husband gave him a show of strength. Ben must have realised how much he had liked it the last time he carried him. 

At some point they had to stop kissing so that Ben could see around him, but Brendol didn’t fully stop, he kissed along his jaw and nibbled on his ear. He wanted to be able to taste everything he had been denied. 

Brendol hardly noticed the room, his world had zeroed down to the two of them, though his eyes caught the mirrored closets across from the bed. He allowed himself to get caught in the image of his body fully supported by Ben. He was almost sure that Ben could fuck him like that. Suspended just in his hold.

Brendol knew he was fairly heavy, he always kept in shape and his body was covered with thin muscle except for the softness of his stomach. Brendol wasn’t a light man, he had always been too heavy to be manhandled in this way and it was driving him up the wall that Ben was acting as if he was as light as a slip of paper. 

Ben was careful and he set him down gently on the edge of the bed. As soon as he was down he was pushed to the bed and kissed again. 

His large hands came to rest on his hips. Normally they would stop there, this time they moved up under the sweater he had changed into for the flight. 

There was still the barrier of his dress shirt, but it was quickly untucked and there was a jerking moment. He heard the buttons give way and was caught between being annoyed, and being aroused. It was worth it when he felt Ben’s hands on him. 

He could feel both being shoved up and bunched between them as Ben tried to touch every inch of his chest. When it started to feel uncomfortable under his armpits he broke the kiss. 

“Get the lube, it’s in the bag I dropped at the door. I’ll get this off.” 

He watched Ben’s retreating back until he was out of the room and then started to undress. He yanked the sweater off and the undershirt, he folded them and placed them on the nightstand before starting on his pants. 

His socks and underwear came with them and he was finishing folding them when Ben came in with the tube and a box of condoms.

“Oh fuck Bren.”

Ben’s voice sounded awed, even though he knew he was nothing special, he could tell that Ben didn’t feel that way. 

He slid back on the bed and made himself a little seat against the headrest. Ben tossed both the items, but the lubricant slapped against his stomach. Brendol tried to only look at the tube as he took the plastic wrap off. He knew how Ben struggled with his scars and he didn’t want to make him nervous. 

Brendol had just gotten it open when he felt Ben’s weight joined him. He shoved it under the pillow for later and took a good look at Ben. He took is a breath of air as he looked at all of Ben. He was magnificent, this time he wasn’t hidden by movement or Millicent. Brendol could tell that Ben was tense.

Brendol couldn’t understand how, he may have had a few scars but it didn’t take away from all of him. The toned muscles, the dark moles, his thick thighs. Brendol felt a nervous laugh bubble up, all of Ben was oversized. 

Ben paused on the bed for a moment before Brendol pushed him so that he sitting up against the bed. Brendol wetted his lips and moved between his legs. He pressed a kiss to the inside of Ben’s knee. 

He ignored the tense look on Ben’s face and kept up his kisses, moving down to his inner thigh and allowing them to get wet and messy. The only way he knew to reassure Ben was to show him how attractive he found him. 

Brendol started nipping at the skin, leaving small bruises, proof that Ben was his. There had been so much wanting he needed to see the proof on Ben’s skin. Finally a hand found its way to his hair, digging through his gelled back hair. He had used more product than normal for the wedding and he could feel it sticking up. It didn’t seem to deter Ben though, he knew playing with it as Brendol worked his way down his thigh. Finally he heard his first noises, inconsistent pleased sounds, telling him he was doing the right thing. 

Soon he could feel Ben’s cock against his cheek, and he knew the nips and kisses were getting sloppy, he was desperate to touch all of Ben and it was a struggle to try and make sure that he was comfortable first. Brendol had been waiting for this, he had felt the tension building as they got closer to the hotel and now he had Ben naked and he had to take it slow. 

He started to purposefully nuzzle him, letting his shaft rub against his face. When the hand in his hair didn’t slow he moved up to let his lips rub against the base. 

“This better?”

He asked to prompt Ben to speak, before moving up enough to take the tip in his mouth. He was almost fully hard now, Brendol knew it would take a little longer with his size, but he didn’t mind. 

“Amazing.”

Ben mumbled, his fingers tightening in his hair. He gently guided Brendol down, not forcing him, but encouraging him to take a little more. This was what he wanted, and so he rewarded it by listening. He’d always enjoyed the taste the feel of it in his mouth, but there was only so much he could manage before he choked slightly. Brendol tried again, letting Ben fill his mouth bobbing down just a little lower. He could feel Ben relaxing, the muscles in his body going limp as Brendol wrapped one hand around the base and the others cupping his balls. 

He could hear that Ben was letting go, the noises and gasps no longer choked back. Brendol swirled his tongue around him as he slipped off and he smiled up at him. 

Ben’s cheeks were flushed, but he the anxiety that was on the edge of his every expression has almost completely dissipated. He was more comfortable as Brendol took control.

Seeing that helped Brendol move on, he wanted Ben inside him. He pressed a kiss to the tip before pulling himself up and laying kisses over Ben’s abs. 

“So perfect.”

Brendol praised, rubbing his face against the hard flesh before moving up to his pecs. They had always been one of his favourite things about Ben. 

His hands shifted to Ben’s chest, he enjoyed the size of his pecs and he remembered how they had looked with his come splattered over them. At one point he wanted to see if he could fuck his pecs, but first he wanted to truly feel Ben.

The hand in his hair moved to his back, rubbing soft circles as he took a nipple in his lips. His fingers cupped the other one and he let his thumb rub over the nub. He started to pinch it softly as he matched it with his lips. Sucking on the nipple, he could feel it hardening; he let his tongue slide around it and then would gently tug with his teeth. Ben started to swear and he could feel the hand on his back starting to grip at him. He slowly moved away from his nipple and blew on it to give a cool sensation.

Brendol felt like a kid in a candy store, he wanted everything, but there was only so much he could get in his mouth at a time. 

Brendol nuzzled in between his pecs for a moment. He heard a deep laugh. 

“You’re just like your damn cat.”

Brendol nipped him and shifted so that he could straddle Ben’s lap with their cocks pinned between them. Ben would be able to feel just how hard he was at just the thought of what was to come. This would be his ultimate show of how much he wanted him.

“Fuck you.”

Brendol leaned forward and returned to the hot kisses they had shared at the door. That was comfortable, they had done it so many times, it could ease any lasting worries Ben may have.


	21. Chapter 21

He needed Ben to feel how much he wanted him, that he didn’t care about the scars. He didn’t even really notice them not really; since he had known Ben he had always had them. To Brendol they were just another part of him. 

He could feel Ben slotted up against his own erection. It was a frantic feeling of wanting to do anything and everything.

Brendol started to slowly rock in his lap, enjoying the slide of their bodies together. Ben was so firm under him and he started by running his hands over his shoulders and arms. He moved slow so that he could stabilize his movements and really get a good sense of how Ben felt.

He could hear the noises into the kiss and he was returning them. 

Ben in return slipped his hands around Brendol’s waist, his large fingers fanning out. Brendol could feel them touching behind his back, and started to rock a little harder so that they frotted against each other.

The kisses were becoming messy and Brendol moved on, he wanted to leave a mark on every part of Ben. He kissed down his chin and nipped at his jaw, enjoying the rub of scruff against his cheek. He moved to his neck and felt Ben do the same. 

On Ben’s neck he sucked the flesh between his lips so that it would bruise; he did it in a trail, so that he would be able to see it later. There was a bite against his collarbone and he gasped at the pain, it wasn’t the small hickies that Brendol was leaving, there would be teeth marks. 

It wasn’t enough to make him stop him from rocking in Ben’s lap. It was distracting him with every movement. He felt so worked up, he knew if they continued he was going to come on Ben’s stomach, and he wanted more. 

“Shit, I want you inside me.”

It wasn’t enough to just touch; he desperately needed to feel even closer. 

The teeth on his neck released his skin and there was a pause in Ben’s movements.

“It might not be comfortable, you don’t have to.”

Brendol grinned in the face of Ben’s skittish admission; his stomach did an excited flop at the thought of what was to come. Again Ben seemed to think that it was another one of his deficiencies, Brendol couldn’t disagree more. 

“I love a challenge. Besides I’ve been wanting this ever since the first time I saw you naked.”

When he could still feel a bit of tension in Ben he continued. 

“Unless it feels like too much, or you prefer it another way. I don’t mind if you want to finish like this.”

To punctuate it he reached between then and wrapped his fingers around his cock. Ben made another wonderful noise, a little sigh that turned into a hum. 

“No, I just want to make sure you feel good.”

All the sudden he realised what was really holding Ben back. He had always catered to someone who wasn’t Brendol, and he was nervous. 

“I feel good, get the lubricant and make me feel amazing.”

Ben lit up and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before he started digging under the pillow. The hand on his back migrated and he felt it gently pressing between his cheeks. It disappeared only for a second while Ben covered it and then he felt it again, but this time slick. 

It was still chilled, but he actually enjoyed that. This time he was the one to take Ben’s lips, giving him slow reassuring kisses that turned sloppy. He loved the way Ben sucked on his tongue and the nip that followed. It was needy and possessive, and so much his own Ben. He couldn’t believe the change in him, how different he was when he meant it.

Brendol wasn’t sure he had ever kissed anyone so much, and yet he loved it.

The kiss didn’t distract him though, not when Ben’s finger was gently teasing his hole open. He could feel that it was tentative and started to give small moans to indicate that he was enjoying it. Brendol only got louder the deeper he worked himself. He started to push back into it to encourage him and it worked, soon Ben was adding another finger and carefully trying to find his prostate. It didn’t take him much time; even with Brendol moving on his fingers he seemed to be paying attention to Brendol’s every reaction.

Ben wasn’t overly careful with him either, testing how hard Brendol liked it with his fingers and listening to his noises to know what he wanted. When Brendol moved to much Ben pushed in a third finger and Brendol felt like he was left gasping. Nothing about Ben was small and it felt lovely to be so stretched out. Even more so when he started to spread them apart. 

Brendol could hardly wait, it was going to be so much, but it was his Ben and he wanted to be closer. 

Ben was very careful, and each time he brushed against his prostate Brendol had to bite his lip to keep calm. He was already on edge and Ben wasn’t even inside him. He was starting to wish he had jerked off earlier just to take the edge off. 

“I think you need to fuck me, or I’m going to come on your fingers.”

His own voice had a breathy quality to it. 

“I don’t mind.”

“I do.”

Ben gave him one last drag before slipping his fingers out, he wiped them off with tissues. Brendol hated to break the moment but he knew it was important.

“Have you been with anyone else since we were tested?”

“No.”

“So no condom?”

He felt Ben’s cock jump against his stomach.

“If that’s what you want.”

It was obviously what Ben wanted, it showed on his face.

“Good.”

He grabbed the lubricant himself, putting a liberal amount on his hand. He was too impatient to wait for it to warm up and Ben gasped as he started to coat him. He still didn’t complain though, he just grasped Brendol’s hips and held on. 

When he was finished he raised himself up on his knees.

“Ready?”

Ben hummed in agreement, his eyes dropping downward. 

Brendol reached behind him ad shifted to that Ben’s cock was pressing against his hole. He didn’t sit back on it right away, there was no way it would be comfortable that fast instead teasing it inside and slipping off. Even then it was aching as it stretched him open. Ben was making small noises each time the head pressed inside him. 

It was amazing to feel someone Ben’s size making his body struggle to take him in. It was like his whole world was narrowed down the borderline pain of taking him. Brendol pushed down a little further the next time and he felt Ben’s fingers dig into his hips. 

“You look so good like this.”

The praise was mumbled out, and the next time he lowered himself he felt Ben give a small thrust. He got a little deeper and Brendol felt like he couldn’t breathe for a second. He knew he was already flushed and sweaty and Ben wasn’t even fully inside him. 

Brendol felt behind himself and almost whimpered when he felt there was still more to go. His own cock was leaking, but he didn’t have the good grace to feel embarrassed. Instead he was desperately turned on as Ben stretched him open. 

He started moving again, biting his lip to get a second point of pain. Each time he felt Ben rubbing against his prostate it was difficult to pull himself together. 

When Ben was fully inside him he paused like that, leaning towards Ben. His hands moved up from his hips and he could feel them rubbing his back.

“You feel so good, you’re so strong.”

Ben seemed to be talkative in bed and Brendol was almost surprised that it didn’t annoy him. Instead he was far enough gone that he was glad to hear it.

He was the one who moved first, and he realised how long it had been since he last did this. He could feel it in his thighs each time he moved on top of Ben, but it was hard to pay attention to that when he could feel Ben opening him up each time he moved. Pressing on all his walls. 

Ben began to trust up into the movements, careful to listen to the noises Brendol was making. He could tell Ben was careful to move in ways that got his approval. 

Maybe it was the anticipation, or the way Ben was looking at him vailed awe, but he felt powerful. All the muscle and strength under him and working only towards his pleasure. In a way he was, Brendol was controlling every movement between them. Even when Ben’s hands moved to his hips to take some of the weight off his thighs, Ben only followed his movements.

“Love you.”

Ben gasped out as Brendol started to speed up. 

“Yes.”

Brendol already knew he was too worked up to last long, but he tried to hold back as he rode Ben through a few quick thrusts. 

He closed his eyes as he came, instead keeping up the steady movements as his orgasm moved through him. He could feel it in his toes as he paused on Ben for a second. 

Brendol started to move again and felt his thigh twitch as Ben cock moved against his over sensitive prostate. 

“Do you need to stop? I don’t mind.”

Ben sounded drunk on arousal, and yet he was still willing to hold back for his sake. Not that Brendol wanted that. He wanted to feel Ben come inside him. 

“No, I want this.”

Brendol braced himself on Ben’s thighs as he started to really impale himself. He couldn’t help the small noises that escaped him or the trembling in his over sensitive body, but Brendol wasn’t a quitter, he kept fucking himself on Ben’s cock. 

“Fuck Bren.”

He could tell Ben was getting close as his thrusts started to speed up and he tried to keep up. The last few ached and then Ben pinned him in his lap and he felt his cock pulsing inside him. He felt the wet release of come and groaned. 

He didn’t have the energy to move, he wanted to just stay like this until he fell asleep.

Brendol felt fucked out, his legs trembled as he shifted in Ben’s lap so that he could comfortably snuggle into him. It was hard to think past the feeling of where they were joined. 

He couldn’t stop looking at Ben, his skin flushed and his lips open. His eye lashes were long and dark and made Ben almost look like he was wearing eyeliner when he had his eyes closed. 

Brendol wanted to kiss him, he wanted to lean up and feel Ben’s plump lips against his own, but his sleepy mind knew that there would be later. A lifetime of laters.

“So Mr.Hux-Organa how do you like the room?”

It was all he could manage to think in the bliss of what had happened. He was limp on Ben’s chest, his hands touching and exploring his sides. He felt each scar and followed the dark tattoos.

“Don’t you mean Mr.Organa-Hux?”

Brendol gave Ben a proper glare. 

“I know you are doing this as a favour, but if you think about it I am also doing you a favour by allowing you to become a Hux.”

He teased in return, they had decided to do a hyphenated last name, it would make their marriage seem more realistic. They just couldn’t agree on whose last name should go first. 

Ben let out a soft laugh, a half-hearted thing in the warm relaxation they were sharing. 

“I guess Hux-Organa doesn’t sound so bad.”


	22. Chapter 22

Ben felt Brendol’s hands run over his back and down to settle on his hips. He felt a small squeeze.

“You look so good in a suit. You should wear this all the time.”

Ben unlocked the door and walked into their apartment, laughing at the attention. Brendol always lavished him with compliments, but they tended to come more often when they had to dress up.

It had been just over two years since their wedding, two years of living together, and two years getting to know each other. Ben no longer winced when Brendol touched his scars and even if he didn’t feel it all the time he knew that Brendol found him handsome despite them, or maybe it was with them. 

“I’ve heard that before, and then when I do put it on you just peel it off me.”

Brendol started doing just that, reaching around his waist and undoing the last two buttons on his jacket before pulling it off his shoulders. Ben moved with him to make it easier. 

“Maybe that’s the point.”

Brendol’s voice was warm and Ben knew what was to come. 

It wasn’t often that he dressed up, Ben didn’t like the attention that he always got because of the scar bisecting his face, but he had made an exception for Steve’s wedding. He and Mitaka had a smaller ceremony, but it was still much bigger than theirs. When he started to feel overwhelmed Brendol had taken him outside and they had stood outside. Brendol told him random stories from his past, like his father sending him to military school for a while, or about how it was when he first moved to the country. 

He noticed Brendol didn’t always finish a story; he just distracted Ben and was a steady presence by his side until Ben felt good enough to go back inside. It had happened a few times, but it didn’t seem to bother Brendol. 

Although Ben’s nerves were a little tight he was glad to be home with Brendol touching him. The touch grounded him and he wanted to feel it all over his body.

Millie yowled at them from the bedroom door. She was plump from the kittens she was carrying, and as soon as they looked at her she left them alone again. 

For their two year anniversary they had taken a few weeks’ vacation somewhere warm. It gave them a chance to just have a still moment together, and since Phasma’s refused to take Millie until her baby daughter was a little older, Millicent had stayed in Rey’s new apartment. 

Ben hadn’t realised that her mutt of a cat Beebee hadn’t been fixed, and it wasn’t until after two visits to the vet they had realised that despite what the breeder said Millie wasn’t either and they were going to be grandparents. Now she was bigger than ever despite the fact that the vet claimed it was only going to be two kittens. 

She had been scarce the last day, but every time she was around Brendol would give Ben a tight lipped look that told him what he thought of their growing family. Brendol partly blamed him since he had suggested Rey over a cat spa and retreat. 

Ben didn’t really mind, he looked forward to having kittens in the house, since he had quit the call center the year before and had started going to university he spent a lot of time around the apartment. Brendol had talked into it, since he was back working on weapons technology he brought in enough that Ben could really think about what he wanted again. It had taken a while but he had ended up deciding on becoming a veterans counselor. Maybe he could help people readjust a little better than he had when he first returned. 

It was a lot of work, but he had talked to his professors beforehand and they had worked out a few systems so that he was able to handle the course load. The last year he had really found the swing of their new life and it was going well. 

He hung his jacket over the back of the couch. 

“Not here, the bedroom.”

Brendol gave him a little push, but when he didn’t budge a hand palmed him through his pants. 

“Why don’t you show me what is mine?”

Brendol purred in his ear. Ben knew Brendol was uncomfortable saying that he loved him, and that his possessive words were his way around it. Now it felt the same, each possessive comment was like a confession and it had the same effect on him as if Brendol was really saying it.

Ben smiled to himself and started moving again slowly so that they were moving together.

“Alright, just let me take my time.”

Brendol paused in his rubbing and then he let him go. They walked together to the bedroom, Ben slowly unbuttoning his dress shirt and untucking the undershirt below. 

When he got to the bed he tossed the dress shirt onto it.

“There’s actually something I wanted to ask you.”

“Oh?”

Brendol looked interested, but he didn’t stop undressing himself. He was almost entirely shirtless when Ben found his nerve to talk. Both of them down to their thin undershirts.

“I was thinking for our anniversary we could have a vow renewal. It could be like a real wedding for the two of us. I wouldn't mind marrying you twice” 

Ben joked that he wanted to marry him twice, but he meant it. He wanted to promise himself to Brendol all over again and hear those promises in return. This time they would really mean it.

Brendol stopped and he opened his mouth. 

“I would love to see you give yourself to me all over again.” 

There was a breathy tone to his words.

“Maybe your parents can come this time.”

Ben teased, knowing how much trouble Brendol had had getting them to understand. 

“Does this mean that we’ll get another honeymoon?”

Brendol looked distinctly interested; because of the way their relationship started they never had gotten to go through all the steps others did. This would give them a chance to capture that. 

“Yes.”

Brendol grinned as he heard a yowl from under the bed. 

“Then I would love to marry you all over again. This time we’ll make sure Millie is fixed before we leave her with your cousin and her giant rat.”

At a second noise from her he noticed a small wrinkle between Brendol’s eyebrows and then Brendol was getting down on the floor beside him. 

Ben got down with him, and looked at her. Brendol’s hand was on her side and he was concentrating. Ben looked from the cat back to Brendol and his own face softened. The concern showed on Brendol’s features, and Ben smiled to himself. It was hard to believe that he had Brendol all to himself.

He reached out and brushed a hair that escaped back into place. He looked at the light freckling over his cheeks from their time in the sun on their last vacation. Brendol was stunning.

“Shit, I think I can feel her contractions, please get the kit.”

Ben laughed and got back up again. The longer conversation over the vow renewals could wait. Right now he had to make sure two kittens came into the world as safely as possible and the birthing kit they had set up for Millie was in the bathroom.

**Author's Note:**

> I do sometimes take requests at redcole.tumblr.com/ask. If I like the request I will probably do it :3


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